Saturday, June 13, 2009

5 Questions To Ask Before Giving Out The Number

I decided to help a sistah friend out by writing her five questions she must ask before she gives out her number.
 
She said lots of guys have asked her for her number, but before she wasted her time using up her minutes she wanted to be able to gage if they are worth it.
 
She said she wanted questions that would give her a good vibe about him, but tell her a lot about him as a person.
 
Note to guys, you can use these questions for yourself too. LOL.
 
I felt that five questions were enough and this is what I came up with?
 
1. What's the credit score?
 
This tells me a lot about you as a person and how you care for what's yours. In this day and age your credit score is very important and no matter your age, if you're grown enough to be dating (and reading this blog) you're grown enough to take care of responsibility. Your credit score determines your value not only for things you want to do financially (buying a house or car) but it sticks on to your insurance and so many other things.
 
Your credit score tells me as it tells other people who want to give you credit that you know how to pay a bill and you're loyal to what you owe. Meaning you give your word to do something you're actually going to stick to it.
 
This also tells me you're aware of things other than what's on MTV or BET. And that you're consciously aware of your own self worth.
 
It also tells me if you have a valid credit card (or at least a good debit card) and that if we decide to do anything we can at least rent a car.
 
If my credit score is about 700 and you're coming at me with a 500 or lower, if things get serious and you want to do somethings you can't even help out and there's a chance if marriage occurs you'll lower mine.
 
2. Do you have a job or a career?
 
This is more like a test question. This tells me at least you know what you want and understand how to make yourself happy without being needy. If you have a job and a career, that's even better. Meaning you know you have financial obligations and your career hasn't taken off enough to pay for that, but you need benefits and other things, but you're hard working enough to stick with both to get to the career you want.
 
Just having a J-O-B is not enough for me to even take you serious because you don't understand passion and deeper emotions that tells me you can care for something or someone unconditionally.
 
 
3. What are your retirement plans?
 
You can say i'm jumping the gun and he's just asking me for my number. well, this goes directly with number two and number one because if you say you have a career, but you're not saving money, this tells me you have no idea what a 401 is and you certainly wouldn't understand how important my 429 is and what it means to be vested.
 
Knowing your retirement plans, means you understand what it takes to live on a day to day basis and you can take care of your current bills but also plan for the future.
 
And it also means that when and if you retire and we're together, you're trying to live on my pension and that ain't gonna happen.
 
Now if you tell me you have some stock options and bonds, you might pass to question four - the easy questions.
 
4. Do you have a valid driver's license and do you have a criminal record?
 
This should be obvious if I plan on getting in the car with you. I might even ask to see it so I can run it to be sure. In this day and age, it needs to be asked.
 
5. Do you smoke or drink any thing?
 
Um, this is just as important as number four. I'm not a drinker or a smoker and I don't want to be around one.

Do you have a question that should replace one of these or what other questions should be asked?

Sylvia Hubbard
Author, Blogger and Founder of Motown Writers Network
http://aaeln.com (African American Electronic Literary Network)
 
Author of Romance & Suspense and Internet Marketing for Writers & Business
 
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2 comments:

itssonicetobenice said...

Maybe it's just me, but I consider the questions to be a bit intrusive upon a first meeting. My immediate thought was to consider if I was asked these questions by a potential mate and how would it make me feel. First, I have a great credit score that I worked extremely hard for. For that reason, I don't share this information with anyone initially, and actually very rarely because of concerns with identity theft. I would also wonder if he the guy wanted me for me or my credit score. So, in my opinion that's not a question you should ask. In addition, there are many reasons why a guy might have a poor credit score. Maybe he was irresponsible in college and failed to pay some bills or he may have been a victim of idenity theft. I know people who's family members have stolen there identity. On another note, a poor score doesn't automatically equate to low income. The two often go hand in hand, but sometimes they don't.

It is important to know if someone is working or not, but it's all in how you ask the question. Again, I don't want to feel like I'm being interviewed and I don't want him to feel that way either. As a woman, I want to make any man feel comfortable, so instead I might ask, what are you passionate about? or Tell me how you spent your day? If he has a job, he will say something about it. If he doesn't mention work, you might dig a little deeper at that point.

Retirement isn't something you should be talking about at a first meeting, no way no how. Again, it's not something I would feel comfortable about doing. Later, if you find out that he doesn't have a retirement account, but he's interested, teach him or learn together. i don't think this should be a deal breaker.

Number 4 is a good question, but I'm still not sure if it needs to be asked at the first meeting. I have not dated a man without a driver's license or criminal record and I never asked. Now, I do look them up on OTIS, but they never have to know this. In addition, from the conversation, things will be revealed to you. Most men don't lie. But if you're really curious, you could ask to see his license photo, out of curiosity and share yours. He'll think you just want to see his picture from back in the day.

I'm with you on the smoking, but social drinking doesn't bother me even though I don't do it myself. If he wants to have one or two drinks, I don't have a problem with it.

In addition to these questions, I would like to know if he has a relationship with God. I would ask if he had a church home. Primarily, I want to know where his leadership comes from. If he's leading himself, I would have a problem with that.

Overall, I think these are good questions, but most men will reveal themselves if you just listen. For that reason, I always begin with "What are you passionate about?" which sparks a slew of info from family, goals, spirituality, and personal history.

adiaha said...

LMAO, I know you are kidding but seriously these are good questions to find out over like a month or so.....

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