I'm honored she took the time to respond to an earlier blog I wrote called 5 Things Before Giving The Number Out.
After reading, if you get the chance, check out her blog too. It's Nice!
The recent posting on ‘How to Love a Black Woman,’ suggesting 5 questions to ask a man before you give him your number, got me thinking about the 5 things a man shouldn’t say if he’s really interested in dating a good woman.There are the obvious things that we've all heard about like sleeping in his mother's basement, or long tales about his ex, but here are a few more that you may not have considered.
- ‘I’m looking for fun,’ ‘I want to kick it,’ or anything remotely similar. What this screams to ladies is that you are only looking for sex. If that’s all that she wants then it’s not a problem, but since most women want more, desire an emotional connection, and desire to actually be a participant in your life, you won’t find any ladies that way.
- Do you have any children? Most women have encountered this question before and know exactly what it means. The question on the surface seems pretty clear cut because it is important to know if a potential mate has offspring or not, but it’s more to it than that. It’s what the question represents that causes the problem. For some, it’s offensive because it screams selfishness and is characteristic of a taker. The guy who wants the answer to this question, has already revealed his hand and his primary purpose. He’s only looking for what he can get, how much, and how often. He’s not looking to be an asset to the woman’s life.
Men really want to know if there are any baby-daddies in the picture or if they’ll be able to visit whenever they please. They might also be thankful that there’s no need for a babysitter. The truth is that if she’s a good woman, she’s not expecting a new beau to replace her children’s father. If she’s a good woman, she has a good parenting relationship with her ex-husband or significant other, not a sexual one. And if she’s a childless woman, she knows that childlessness doesn’t grant an all access pass.
If you really want to know if she has children and are not just interested in how quickly you’ll be able to get in her pants, ask her how she spends her time? Ask her what she did last weekend. If she’s a mother, it will come out and you don’t have to appear to be a jerk, but someone who's interested and considerate.
- I make $_______________ a month/year (You can fill in the blank). I have had countless men tell me that they are tired of women begging them for their money. I had one guy tell me a woman, he had only been dating for a few months, was taking advantage of him, asking him to pay her rent and purchase Christmas gifts for her children, who were not his. When he told me this, I asked only one question, “How did she know you could afford to help her?” If you’re not looking for a gold digger, don’t tell them about your gold, at least not in the initial stages. Instead, tell her about your hobbies, your children, your family, your goals.
- I’m a gentleman. This one should be obvious, but if you have to say it, it’s probably not true. She’ll see that you’re a gentleman because of your approach, your conversation, and how you treat her. There’s not need to say it; it should be obvious.
- I am thinking about moving to ___________(Feel in the space with any state/country). Why would any woman want to start dating the man who is discussing moving? Now, he may not be serious, but usually men who consider moving to Detroit , Atlanta , LA, or wherever, have probably done it before. They’ve packed up and moved when things got uncomfortable, challenging, or remotely difficult. Such statements scream instability, a lack of steadfastness, and inconsistency, all things women don’t want in a man.
What do you think? Should something be removed? What would you add?
This post was written by Danielle from 'It's So Nice to Be Nice'
'It's so nice to be nice' was created to remind people of the importance of sharing, connecting, and treating others well, even in a tough economy, and even when you don't feel inpired . A smile, an authentic hello, friendly wave, or sincere compliment can do much to brighten someone's day. Yes, they're small, but these are important gestures that may lighten the load or lift the spirit of many you meet.
On this blog, you can expect regular musings about a few missing links in the quest for success in our world: courtesy, politeness, honesty, respect, and helpfulness . In addition, the blogger will also discuss her struggles for the same.