Advice Needed: When A BootyCall Wants More?

Situation presented:

Dear Love A Black Woman, Booty call has expressed a desire to become more.

We've known each other for going on ten years. three years after meeting and once he knew I was divorced, he expressed a desire to be with me. Since I was just divorcing, I made the decision not to date seriously and just make him a booty call. Him wanting to be with me allowed me to make this decision for us and for two and a half years we were together...real together in the marriage way without the ring.

I meet someone serious and since bootycall was just an appetizer at the time, I pushed him off the plate.

He reluctantly allowed me to do this.

On the grapevine, I found out he went on with his life, dated other women, even got married and had a baby, but then got a divorce.

Meanwhile, the main meal f's up and I'm single again four years later.

Well bootycall now wants to come back in the picture, but under HIS terms. He wants to be a main meal.

There's no problems. In the time he was a bootycall, there's was drama free sex - good sex. Toe curling hot summer time in the winter sex.

But at that time I forced myself not to get emotioanlly involved. And now that he's back in the picture, I've trained my heart to stay away.

He's a good guy. Good job, got his stuff together, benefits and all the other stuff. And now that we're dating - real dating and we're holding off on sex so we can get to know each other - we have a lot of things in common and we talk comfortably with each other.

But my heart is having a hard time opening because I've conditioned myself not to get involved with him even though now he wants something serious.


What do you suggest?


This took me a while to think of an answer and then i asked a couple of other friends who like to let me think while i talk and the only solution to this problem is:

time.

Another friend suggested prayer.

But the most I can tell you is time.

You've got the hard part out the way. He's seen you naked and you know how he is in bed. You know sexually you're compatiable, but now you need to get to know you as a man and he needs to get to know you as a woman.

All that takes time.


OTHER ADVICE:

Allow yourself to tell him things and find out things about him.

Flirt with him. Yes, the sex part is out the way, but once you start doing it more, it'll feel more genuine and you'll emotional relax around him when you see that gorgeous sexy smile that guys always produce when you comment on something about him.

Don't just regular date. You know enough to go on complicated dates. If he likes to do something, make that a date. If he has a hobby, do it with him even if you hate it. Find odd dates to do so you can find out all about him - especially the stuff he doesn't tell you. Get silly together and just laugh.

Spend time apart to make the heart go fonder for him. Not just craving him physically, but you'll eventually start to crave him emotionally too.

Start having rituals or things you do together to create a bond of some sort. It can be something silly like a nose kiss before parting or on every Tuesday no matter what you'll talk at eight at night. The bonding experience will lead to you and him eventually breaking down your emotional walls

But all in all, it will take time.

There's no quick fix for any of this, and if you really like him, your heart will eventually warm to him and you'll send us all a wedding invitation for the biggest darn wedding this side of the Mississippi!

Hope this helps.