Loving A Woman Through Words

Dear Sylvia, thank you for that wonderful piece on loving the black woman.

I love all women; however, " black coffee no sugar, no cream, thats the kinda girl I want down on my team."

My question to you is: How do we as men get our sisters to actually believe that they are beautiful? I met a sister who wears entirely to much make up. I was talking to her about how beautiful she is without all of that foolishness on her face.

Also the weave. I paid to get a sisters real hair done one day, no weave! When she came by my crib after leaving the hair salon, I wanted to bone her real bad, she was looking that good; without the weave. She thinks that she needs Mr.Ed on her head, but she doesn't and I've tried my best to convince her that she is naturally beautiful.

Many of the sisters that I meet are damaged from prior relationships. Many of them have been physically and verbally abused,no longer seeing the value in themselves.

I've fucked over my share, I must admit! At the time I was a kid trying to bury my bone in any hole that I could; As a child I did childish things. As a man I recognize the beauty of the black woman, I just want her to see the beauty in herself.

How do I do that?

Male Reader of How To Love A Black Woman


Sylvia @ LABW responds:

Thank you for your kind words about my words. As always I never profess to be a doctor, I just have a street degree in life and loving a black woman (since I am one.)

Words are a powerful weapon and can be a powerful cure or salve for what ails the human soul.

Unlike men, women are overwhelmed with the power of words.

They can make us and break us at times and though we show we are strong, inside the soul can crack or burn from the right or wrong words.

My father used to say, you get more bees with honey than you do vinegar. He told me this when I was eight and it took five years to understand what he meant with the bees and then ten years what he meant in life.

You are going to tell her constantly that she is beautiful. And not just with your words. I've said before (and it's a fact) the majority of communication is through actions as well (our body language.)

Women and children see it more than men (this is my opinion but I really believe this. Women: because we pay attention to the details - the little things and Children: because they seem to see everything.)

A touch to the cheek, a lustful look in public (with a perfect wink), a smile of amazement when she enters the room, overly gentlemanly actions when she is without the make up and hair, and most of all, special rewards when she does not wear the makeup and hair.

These constant showing of affections along with your words, will encourage her to be naturally beautiful and confident when you are or aren't around.

Some women are prone to use their make up or "hair" as a crutch or shield because no one's given that special TLC. Now I said some women. Don't start ratting on me because I put this out. There are others, and I've been one of them that use the "hair" because we're tired of doing it ourselves and just can't afford that hair salon every month to three months that we need.

Like Indie.Arie says: Talk To Her, Talk To Her.

Constant good words and positive actions can lead to positive reactions.

And that's a new quote for me.

Thank you again and I hope this advise helps. Please respond if there are any questions.