Let Go! Let Flow!

Got that from the movie Something New. No this post isn't about Interracial Love. It's really about life itself and living it. In the past weeks I have been quiet, I've actually been learning about life and everything that it has to offer. Thanks for your support in staying with me during my learning lesson. I did miss blogging a lot. A whole lot. I was often saying a lot to myself I need to write a blog, but it never came to fruition and days turned into weeks, weeks to month. Like Chris Gardner said yesterday a lot, "Can you feel me?" Oh yeah, I met him yesterday and boy was it an enriching life experience. We shared stories about being a single parent and oh lawd, the man hugged me – TWICE. It was a great reward for all the battles I had to fight to be where I am today. He was proud of me and it was a moment I won't forget. Something about a hug from Chris Gardner makes a person feel… so good. Don't know if that's what gave me the drive to want to blog again, but I just thought I should when I finished with Sunday school, I grabbed my laptop and started writing. The first thing that popped out was: realized when u just let worries go, stress follows and you can really enjoy life I want to expound upon this for a moment, so hear me out. As India.Arie states: Life is a journey, not a destination. Life should be an experience not something we allow to just happen. We should be engaged in life. Yet one prevention is when we begun to worry about what's going to happen next. I think I had begun to – a lot. A whole lot. So much worries that I just had nothing to speak about … an you know how rare that is. Well it was happening. I guess because I was unsure of things and I was in unknown territory. Explanation: I picked up a new beau. Well, I think I spoke on that before. He's a nice one and yeah, women look for shyte. We really do. I worried about things that hadn't happened yet, I worried about what was to come, what he wanted, what was going to happen next. I worried about what he was doing when I wasn't around, I worried about what he would do if he really saw me, or really understood me. I worried about what he thought of my kids, or what he thought of my writing. I worried about what I was going to do if I fell in love, and I worried about what the kids thought. I worried worried worried worried worried til I just wanted to quit. Quit him, quit feeling, quit thinking quit life. So my bestest bud, Tavi, told me to just pray. I knew that's what I should have been doing, but the worry had clouded judgment and rational thought. It's amazing how it just gets in like carbon monoxide and like an invisible mouth eat what's good about the whole situation. What's good? I met a really nice sexy good looking guy who really really likes me and just wants to enjoy the pleasure of my company with no strings attached  and no drama. That's what I asked for. It's it funny when God gives you what you want, you question the gift. That's very confusing about human nature, but it seems like we've done this since the beginning of time. I laid the worry monster down Thursday. Had an operation. They call it follicular removal. We won't go into where it happened, but good lard, I have to have nine more of these and I'm not happy. Being in a lot of pain and just having to breathe through it really makes a person see that life ain't noting to just sit by and let it happen. Not that I was close to death or anything like that or I could have died, but you really taste what you've been missing. After the operation, I rested and then beau treated me to a night befit a queen. (Personally I don't think the queen in England had this much enjoyment ever) and it really made me feel silly of all the worries I had. Let go. Let flow. That's what I should have been telling myself, but I had to have a lot of pain driven into me for twenty damn minutes in order to see this lesson. Why is it that we have to be tortured to really understand and succumb to life lessons? That's another confusing human nature I won't understand. Back to the subject: Friday, I woke and opening my eyes, I was thanking God. It was like I exchanged eyeballs with someone during the night and I could see things differently. I'm liking the new eyeballs. And they help me breath better. Maybe because I don't have that monkey on my back anymore. I'm thinking right now about that scene from shutter when the man went through the whole movie wondering why his neck was hurting all the time and at the end realized why. That's how I feel, but I've laid it down and my shoulders feel fine. I feel good and life is so much fun when you're enjoying the journey.