Breakup Basics

Breakup Basics by Dr. Laura Berman

Even the sweetest and gentlest among us will have to break a heart at some point in our lives. And what you realize when you decide to end a relationship is priceless: It's almost as hard to break up with someone as it is to be broken up with.

So how can you make the end of a relationship an amicable parting instead of a disastrous finale? Break up with someone the way you would want to be broken up with:

Do it in person, no matter what!Be direct about your reasons, even if it's painful. People always know when they are being lied to or patronized — "it's not you, it's me" — and your honesty will help bring closure.

Don't abuse your position of power by being mean or careless about how you end it. In fact, even if you're breaking up with someone for a good reason, don't be vengeful. Revealing confidences or embarrassing details about your ex is only going to make you feel worse later on. Plus, it keeps him in your life — in an artificial way — by creating more conflict and drama.

Allow for an emotional, even an angry reaction, to what you are doing, without trying to defend yourself.Remember, when someone says they no longer want to see you, it is the ultimate rejection. You feel unloved, unattractive, and maybe even unsure that you will ever find someone again. However, by acting empathetically and maturely, you can help lessen the sting.

www.DrLauraBerman.com

EVENT: FOREVER A LADY - Free Event!

panicked? You're always in a rush, exhausted, out of control and frazzled!
polished? You’re accomplished, highly respected, full of energy, confident, and in control!



What’s holding you back from moving from gloom to glam? Could it be those last 10 pounds you are trying to lose, your current wardrobe (or lack thereof), or your attitude about how you look and feel?

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:

- What your IMAGE or personal BRAND says about YOU.
- Online mistakes that can spoil your IMAGE.
- How your PERSONAL image affects your BUSINESS’S bottom line.
- HEALTHY living is vital to your success!
- How to use what you currently have in your closet to look your best NOW!
- Your image is making a STATEMENT, but what is it SAYING?
- How to INVEST in YOURS ELF in today’s ECONOMY.

ALREADY POLISHED?
Learn how to take your personal and business image to the next level!

Hotel St. Regis
3071 W Grand Blvd.
Detroit, MI
(313) 873-3000

Saturday, March 7, 2009 4-7 pm
Limited Seating - RSVP today at http://foreveralady.eventbrite.com/

You must RSVP to reserve your seat.

OUR SPEAKERS: - Ty Adams: CEO and Founder of Girls Gone God, is a sex and relationship expert, life coach, and best-selling author of Single, Saved, & Having Sex. She is the voice of counsel to thousands around the world through her nominated daily radio broadcast and her celebrated web-based column, Ask Dr. Ty

-Toy Banks:VP of Girls Gone God, is an image developer and has trained countless models for the runway for the past 22 years. Toy is also a motivational speaker who's central theme is to transform imitators into originators through building their self-image with practical teachings.

Donna Blakely - Wife, mother and professional model. When looking at ways to Tweak Your Chic, we often get caught up in our outward appearance and forget about what’s inside. Makeup, jewelry and clothing are simply tools that can enhance (or when used improperly, detract from) a lady's God-given beauty. Donna encourages women to let their inner beauty shine first and foremost

- Ed Foxworth III: Multimedia Personality, Author and Speaker. His newest book, “The Six Routines of Self-Discovery” encourages people to explore within in an attempt to advance their lives.

- Hajj Flemings: Author of 'The Brand YU Life' and founder of Brand Camp University - Personal Branding 2.0 Conference. Hajj will provide tips and strategy to help you develop a strong digital (Online) image that supports your personal and professional goals.

- Carole Gist-Stramler: The first African American woman to win=2 0the Miss USA title. As a Personal Fitness Instructor, she stresses the importance of living a fit life. Fitness is more than just looking good but feeling great, being healthy by having energy, increased stamina, mental clarity, clear-cut focus, physical strength, and emotional stability.

- Denitra Townsend: Owner of Unforgettable You!, an image consulting company, has a passion for helping individuals and businesses understand the true meaning of IMAGE.

- Tamika Williams: An in-demand hairstylist with an enviable client list and a unique approach to her trade. Tamika knows each client and fits their style with their unique personality.

- Moderator: Farai Gundan: Entertainment Reporter and TV personality for BlackTree TV, covering Red Carpet at American Music Award, New York City Fashion Week and film festivals.

This event is free!
Please patronize our partner venue!!

Their lounge and dinner menu, as well as special rates just for us, will be available.

How to Love a Black Woman

This may not be popular but I feel that it can be somewhat complex to love a Black Woman. It’s not impossible but it is multifaceted. Although it may be difficult, I must acknowledge that the root of the problem is us, men. We have scarred, abused, let down, under-appreciated, deceived and hurt our women so badly that they have erected such high safety guards that once we scale those emotional barricades as well as the, physical and psychological barriers we are either too angry, too resentful, too stressed or too exhausted to love our women properly.

Today’s Black Woman wears dozens of hats. She is a wife, a lover, a career woman, a housekeeper, a friend, a mother and in some cases the father too. Juggling all of those duties successfully and consistently drains them. At the end of the day she may not have anything left for herself. This can lead to high stress levels, health problems and even death.

Today’s male must be a master at making his woman’s life simpler. He has to be her calming agent and her rock. The recipe is simple. Listen to her, communicate well and often, be affectionate, be a financial contributor, take care of her sexual needs and keep things exciting for her. Most women will agree.

Discussion Questions:
1. When women get hurt in a relationship what road blocks do they put up?
2. What are (5) traits that ideal men have?




The Reunion By John R Williams (The Author)
ISBN-10: 0-9818094-4-8ISBN-13: 978-0-9818094-4-1Publication Date: February 13, 2009Trade PaperbackTrim: 5.5 x 8.5Qty/Case: 32Retail: $14.95Note: Title will ship February 13, 2009

Sean Jiles was very popular at Kensor High School on Chicago 's Southside. His gifted writing ability, common sense and unwavering loyalty gained him lifelong friendships and a suitable following during his years there. After graduating, Sean moves to Dallas , Texas to attend college and pursue his dream of writing and directing stage plays.

While in college, Sean meets Eva Sparks, a sexy graduate student with attitude. They hit it off right away. Things start out fantastic but Sean soon realizes that Eva is more than he can handle. She is insecure, controlling, possessive and insanely jealous. She is a hot mess! In comparison, a far cry from Jade Brown, his high school sweetheart and true love from more than a decade ago.
Now a graduate, Sean has received $100,000 to produce his first major stage play. Between his career demands and problems with Eva, things are absolutely crazy! At the height of his dilemma, Sean receives an invitation to go back home and attend his 10-Year High School Class Reunion . This is great news!

Although Sean's life is chaotic, he will attend. The reunion is sure to be the highlight of his summer. A vacation from Eva couldn't have come at a better time. As exciting as it seems, Sean understands that the reunion will rehash tons of mixed emotions as well as force him to confront Eva and re-examine his failed love with Jade. Will Sean's departure lead him to lost love or send his girlfriend Eva into one of the most frenzied fits of jealousy ever captured on paper? This book will not disappoint!



John R. Williams on Tour

Please join John R. Williams each Saturday and Sunday from 3-4pm CST on"Creative Soul" on http://www.blogtalkradio.%20com/THE-Authoer Creative Soul is a show dedicated to featuring creativity in all forms. Artists, musicians, poets, actors, authors and dancers can share their story with the world!

Everyone is welcome!

Please tune in and/or call (347) 205-9896 to listen and participate in the show.

John R Williams-THE Author http://www.theauthor.us/
Cast your vote for John R. Williams as Author of the Year
http://aambcvoting.blogspot.com/

Invest in Your Sex Life

I think someone once said, you get out what you put in. We tend to forget we all make investments in ourselves, in our children and our relationships we really care about.

Even if you cannot make a monetary investment, think about your time or your self, or more.


Invest in Your Sex Life
Buying stock in your marriage may be the best move you ever make.
BY SARAH PIERCE

When the economy takes a plunge, our libido often follows. It’s hard to feel aroused when money issues are weighing down your marriage. Whether you’re stressing over how to pay the bills or down right fighting with each other over it, money woes can take a serious toll on a couple’s relationship—especially in the bedroom. It’s no surprise that financial problems are the number-one cause of divorce, followed closely by a dysfunctional sex life.

If money problems are threatening your marriage, take a break from the stock market and invest in your sex life instead. You can diversify your portfolio and save your relationship by increasing your stock in these three marriage institutions:

To read more of these artcles, please go here:
http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=681

My Husband, The Pothead

when I saw this topic, my heart immediately went out for this person in this situation.   I had to live three years with this and sadly it never got any better and I fear 2nd had smoke from him not caring about our daughter may affect her even seven years after the fact.   I'm glad I got out of the situation when my daughter was young before it affected all of us.   I'm glad I was strong to get out of it.   My Husband, The Pothead Pot is a common problem in marriage and one that shouldn't be ignored. BY DR. KAREN SHERMAN   Help, my husband is a pothead! We started out together, but I gave it up a while back and he continued. People say, "It's only pot," and I know it's not that bad, but I don't smoke it anymore and I see how unmotivated and lethargic he gets. He says he'll stop, but he hasn't. I don't want to be a nag but it's starting to get to me. Let me know what I can do. Being a "child of the '60's," I can certainly appreciate the comment, "It's only pot." But there's really much more to this issue before one can easily dismiss it. One criterion for assessing whether a behavior is functional or not is to consider whether one is doing that behavior to an extreme or out of balance with other behaviors. Anytime someone does anything to an extreme, it does raise a question of addiction. Addictions are a way of escaping or not dealing with some other issue. Certainly people are familiar with the "hard" addictions like gambling, drinking or using drugs. But people can also be involved in "soft" addictions like workaholism, shopaholism, etc. In any of these situations, the behavior in moderation is fine; it's when the person does it too much that it raises a "red flag." Read More of the Article Here http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=500   Sylvia Hubbard Author, Blogger and Founder of Motown Writers Network http://sylviahubbard.com http://loveablackwoman.com http://motownwriters.com http://michiganliterarynetwork.com http://aaeln.com (African American Electronic Literary Network) http://hubbooks.biz   Author of Romance & Suspense and Internet Marketing for Writers & Business   NOW AVAILABLE: Secrets, Lies and Family Ties order your copy now Coming Soon: Tanner's Devil www.redrosepublishing.com

Congratulations to Sylvia Hubbard, 2008 Community Literary Legend Author from The Black Authors Network!

Sylvia Hubbard Author, Blogger and Founder of Motown Writers Network http://sylviahubbard.com http://loveablackwoman.com http://motownwriters.com http://michiganliterarynetwork.com http://aaeln.com (African American Electronic Literary Network) http://hubbooks.biz   Author of Romance & Suspense and Internet Marketing for Writers & Business   NOW AVAILABLE: Secrets, Lies and Family Ties order your copy now Coming Soon: Tanner's Devil www.redrosepublishing.com --- On Sun, 2/22/09, Sylvia Hubbard <sylviahubbard1@yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sylvia Hubbard <sylviahubbard1@yahoo.com> Subject: Congratulations to Sylvia Hubbard, 2008 Community Literary Legend Author from The Black Authors Network! To: yexsenia2@yahoo.com Date: Sunday, February 22, 2009, 11:45 PM     Congratulations to Sylvia Hubbard, 2008 Community Literary Legend Author from The Black Authors Network! To Listen to the Show announcement, please go to: EDC Creations Virtual Award Show. "She is a truly multi-faceted woman," Ella Curry, founder of The Black Authors Network.     Sylvia Hubbard - Author of Stone's Revenge and Secrets, Lies & Family Ties Free Novels Available on the site! http://myspace.com/sylviahubbard |

Feel Yourself Up Or He Will

This was actually a banned commercial, but I thought it was hilarious and should have been seen.



I liked the fact that he was almost cute, but the fact that his phone help made me shudder, encouraged the fact that I think I will be checking my own self.

Don't Use Birth Control?

i don't know if anyone remembered this commercial, but i was going through youtube looking for another video and came across this one

Gawd!

Lawd!

ROTFLMAO!!!!!




I originally was going to title this post, And There Should Be A Law To Beat A Child. I've seen this scenario in public before. Being a single mother of three children, i learned from the best on how to avoid them - my own mother.

Her rule was, "Don't make me act like a momma in public."

I always thought that statement was kinda weird until my sister decided to demand treats in a grocery store. Unfortunately, (althought i think my sister did it on purpose) my sister had stepped past the arm length distance and my mother couldn't reach her to shut her up.

I never really saw such masterful use of a shoe used as a boomerang in a felonius assault to shut my sister up. Before the first high pitch was even heard, sis was knocked out cold on the grocery store floor.

And to this day, I refuse to act out in public terrified of my mother's shoe.

My brother swore the woman should win a gold medal at the Olympics with not only her dead on target, but the graceful way she could shot put shoes around and have them magically returned to her.

I think this is the best sex education video I have seen so far. If you have other case scenarios - like your own, feel free to post and link. LOL

6 tips to Finding & Maintaining a Loving Marriage

Asha Praver, author of Swami Kriyananda as We Have Known Him, has been married for more than 26 years and has been living in community for nearly 40 years.

"Everyone wants to have joyful relationships," Praver says. She will share specific tools for staying happy with ourselves and our partners.

Praver has provided 6 tips to Finding & Maintaining a Loving Marriage:

Respect. People talk a great deal about love, but over the long term, respect is more fundamental. As long as you have respect for your partner, you can always be friends. Once respect is lost, even friendship is hard to maintain. To respect someone is also an act of will.

Courtesy. Courtesy is not dishonesty or hypocrisy. It is simply treating the most important person in your life with the consideration and respect they deserve. It is shocking to see how often people treat their partner with a rudeness they would never show even a perfect stranger! Many arguments start from a simple lack of courtesy.

Unique Individuality. Your partner is a fully functioning human being with a karmic trajectory of their own that has to be fulfilled according to the unique flow of their energy. Don't just project upon your partner your idea of who they are and what they need. Whatever future you have together will be more harmonious if you make a deep and sincere effort to understand how your partner sees the world and why he or she may think whatever they are committed to is a good idea.

Be a Cheerleader. No one wants a teacher for a partner, not for the long haul. The relationship is too close to be a place of constant criticism and correction. Even silent, mental criticism gradually drains the joy out of being together. Don't be insincere. If you don't agree, you can express that disagreement, but kindly, carefully, and with respect for your partner's need to come to truth in his or her own way.

To Thy Own Self Be True. As long as you can do it cheerfully, support your partner in whatever he or she wants when it is only a matter of preference or opinion -- the color of the couch, where you take your vacation, hairdo, clothing style. But if principles are at stake -- including the principle of feeling valued as an individual in the relationship -- you must stand your ground -- respectfully, courteously, but firmly nonetheless. If you compromise your core values, you set in motion a dissonant wave that sooner or later will break your relationship into pieces.

Self-Honesty. Most difficulties in relationships are not really between the two people, but within each one individually. If you don't know yourself, if you aren't clear on your core values, fundamental needs, strengths, and limitations you will always be blaming your partner for unhappiness that is actually self-generated. The effort required to make a relationship successful is the energy and courage it takes to get to know yourself. The partner is the mirror in which you see your own reflection.

Visit: http://www.ashapraver.presskit247.com.

1234567890 Other Reasons to Celebrate Friday the 13th - Today

I love knowing odd things and I was feeling kind of .... irkish that I couldn't find a great way celebrate it (especially since I'm going to see Jason tonight).   But I don't think we should think of the 13th of Friday is a bad thing.   So when this came across my email, I thought it was PERFECT!!!     Unix Time Celebrates 1234567890 Day Posted: 13 Feb 2009 07:48 AM PST Its 1234567890 Day today! On Friday, February 13 at exactly 3:31:30 PM (PST) Unix time will equal 1234567890. The world is celebrating the milestone with global 1234567890 parties today. So what is Unix time? Unix time, or POSIX time, is a system for describing points in time, defined as the number of seconds elapsed since midnight Coordinated Universal Time (UTC) of January 1, 1970, not counting leap seconds. It is widely used on Unix-like operating systems and many other computing systems. So 1234567890 means (2009-02-13 23:31:30Z). Someone set up a countdown counter which shows under 7 hours till the event finale. See which 1234567890 Day parties are occurring in your city and join the fun. A similar numerological date in computer history occurred on March 17, 2005 when at 19:58:31 Central Time, for the first time the entire world of computers rolled over to the longest ever number of repeating clock digits: 1,111,111,111 seconds. If you had software that supported milliseconds, you could see an amazing timestamp of 1,111,111,111,111.     Sylvia Hubbard Author, Blogger and Founder of Motown Writers Network http://sylviahubbard.com http://motownwriters.com http://michiganliterarynetwork.com http://detroitliterarynetwork.com     NOW AVAILABLE: Secrets, Lies and Family Ties order your copy now

God's Love Letter to Singles this Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is around the corner and folks are talking about love. Those who are married or have a significant other are looking forward to spending cozy time and exchanging gifts with their loved one. This is the one national holiday each year where we, singles, may feel "left out." But I want to assure you this is not the case. We, too, can receive love and gifts on Valentine's Day, and that love comes from our Heavenly Father, God, and His Gift is not only our salvation, but our peace, joy and happiness in Christ Alone. The following is a letter I came across by an unknown author that blessed me and I decided to include it in the February issue of, "The Single Heart" so that it may bless you as well. Enjoy! The Single Heart E-NewsletterIssue 25 Vol. 3God's Love Letter to Singles this Valentine's Day Everyone wants to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep lasting relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says, "No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by me alone; to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me. Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be completely united with another until you are completely united with Me, exclusive of any other desire or longing, I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You must keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction, the I AM. Keep listening and learning the things I promise and mean. Be patient, that is all. Don't be anxious, don't worry. Don't look around at all the things others have gotten or that I have given them. Don't look at the things you want. You just keep looking off and way up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you. And then when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you both are satisfied with Me and the life I want you to have, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and to enjoy perfection and love that only I offer. Know that I Love you utterly, I am God Almighty. Believe it and be satisfied." Happy Valentine's Day in advance ;0)Know that I love you, but God loves you more!Kim Brooks,author of Christian fiction novels, He's Saved...But is He For Real? which is the sequel to Black Expressions' Bestseller, He's Fine...But is He Saved? and non-fiction mini-book, The Little Black Survival Book for Single Saints. Visit http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?et=1102452182463&e=001o4p64KMWbhlFDxtTEw2JvwUOjcvN7JsDQQA6cpdwmsLtK97sKSl5vptptK88APUsZDE0qGTpJ933cU-FSIO_6n7Z_wzDzPz3dXJWu-K8F7KbWh8ao7ELWg==

What is beneath the surface of MONEY & SEX ...

What is beneath the surface of
MONEY & SEX
that reveals the true condition of your marriage?

by Corey Donaldson
Author of DON'T YOU DARE GET DIVORCED UNTIL YOU READ THIS!


A few things of note:

A woman's sexual inclinations towards her man will recede with the falling financial condition of the home.

A man's inclination to restore financial stability to the home will recede with falling sexual activity.
---

When a man is in a relationship where the sex is eroding, he will question the relationship.

When a woman is in a relationship that is eroding, she will question having sex!
----
There have been fewer times in the history of the world where it can be observed and noticed so overwhelmingly that money issues wreak havoc on marriages. Looking into this subject a little deeper we'll see that perhaps money is not the real culprit for relationship turmoil. It's what lies beneath the surface of money issues, like sex, the way people treat each other, and the beliefs about money that deserves our attention. So let's start there, with money beliefs.

Worrying about money can isolate larger issues of personal insecurity and the unwillingness to let go of control. Think about it, financial stability does not improve as a function of divorce, so threatening such during financial weakness is counterproductive. Like many other life lessons, financial hardship is meant to show you your personality weaknesses and impurities. Until those are faced and dealt with no amount of money or new partners will ever treat your issues of control and personal insecurity. Therefore, nothing I write from this point forward will make the slightest difference to your life if you refuse to look at the deeper reasons as to why you give so much power to money.

Now that I've got that out of the way, let's talk about how money issues reflect both the sexual health of a household and the way individuals are treated, and vice versa. I'm going to keep this short and sweet and to the point so that my contentions will stand strong on their own without interfering commentary. You'll find that what I'm about to write will inspire ongoing discussions through your inner circle of friends and family. That's because I'm going to be hugely insightful in what I write! Geez I'm so bashful.

The way you treat money is a reflection of how you treat people!

The relationship your spouse has with money is a reflection of their relationship with you!

The relationship you have with money is a reflection of the relationship you have with your spouse!

The financial condition of the household is a reflex of the condition of the marriage!

Your sex life is reflects the state of your marriage!

Everything you want to know about the current state of your marriage you can know by looking only at the sex and the attitudes towards money. Like gazing into a crystal ball, looking into these two things will grant you clairvoyance into what the future of the relationship will be, in addition to giving you a running narrative on the history of your marriage.

Consider this:

What does the sex or lack of sex tell you about the relationship?

What story can be told about the entire relationship by looking only at the attitudes that you each have towards sex?

By looking at your partner's attitude towards money, what does that tell you about their attitude towards you?

By looking at your own attitude towards money, what does that tell you about your attitude towards your spouse?

What story can be told about the entire relationship by only looking at the finances of the home?

If money were a person, how would you describe the relationship you have with that person? (Just describe the relationship you have with your spouse and the description will be the same)

The relationship you have with money and sex are very closely aligned!

If you are unable to clearly see your partners character through the stories they've told you about sex, then you'll see it through the stories they tell you about money, and vice versa.

You can trust the stories a person tells you about their past, they are a forecast of their future behavior. You can trust the stories of the past, not promises for the future.

What does your relationship with your sexual self say about you?

What does your relationship with money say about you?

The REASON that money and sex are the big issues in marriage is that they accurately mirror the condition of the marriage. The attitude your spouse has towards sex and money is the same attitude they have towards you. The behavior your spouse has towards sex and money reflects the behavior they have towards you.

That's why a money crisis hits so hard, it's not about the money, but the neglect and lack of foresight in preserving money reflects the neglect and lack of care towards preserving the means of survival and preserving the relationship.

If you notice that a person's relationship to money involves deception, chances are excellent that the same attitude will surface in personal relationships. The same goes for taking money for granted or being secretive about spending habits. If you notice that a person is more of a consumer than a contributor when it comes to money, you'll see that attitude manifest in their relationships. If you notice that a person is more focused on making withdrawals than deposits with their money, you'll see a story about how they do relationships. If you notice that a person is more of a spender than a saver, you'll also see how that 'living for the now' attitude shows up in their relationships. If a person is a giver more than a taker when it comes to money, you'll see that same attitude reflected in their relationships (and in their sexual habits).

If you notice that only one person has the power over 'yes' or 'no' to financial decisions, you'll see how that tyrannical power carries over into almost every other area in the relationship, especially in sex!

Now get this, if someone is going to hurt you, the stories of their life that relate to money and sex will show you how they're going to do it.

If you are going to be treated well by a person, the stories of their life that relate to money and sex will show you how they're going to do it.

These two last statements summon this note: How do you know when you or your partner is too young for marriage? When either one of you do not have enough stories about your attitudes towards money and/or sex to be able to authenticate the identity that is claimed.

As far as personal identity is concerned, this also means that you can know who you are within the context of your history and stories concerning your attitude towards money and sex! Identity and character are revealed within the stories of your life.

And now I'm keeping my promise to you, to keep this short and sweet and to the point.

And I'm done!

Corey Donaldson

http://www.thefreedomacademy.com/

©Copyright 2009 Corey Donaldson

That's What Momma's Are For Chris Brown

Flat Out Honest: I am very upset at Chris Brown for losing his temper and laying his hands on a woman.

There's really no excuse a man can give for allowing himself to lose his temper and giving in the urge to slap a woman.

Without being hypocritical, I have been guilty of pushing a man to a point where he does want to lay hands on me (and a couple of them have, but of course not without repercussions.)

I’ve been asked by a couple of guy friends and even readers of my blog about this incident. Some have gone on to express the times they’ve been so close to hitting a woman because of the venom she’s spat to hurt him.

Women can hit below the belt on a far better mental level than a man. We’re trained from childhood to be cruel vindictive creatures sometimes for no reason at all. Misery loves company and we can make you feel like a king at one moment and then crap on the bottom of our shoe at the next.

I understand people argue and in arguments things can go as far as demoralizing, demeaning and even horrible acidic name-calling. It’s enough to want to knock the other person’s head off because you’re so mad at them.

So how does a man not hit a woman who’s really asking for it?

Sometimes it’s not all about control. If I had to put the scenario back on myself and I had to advise my son on what to do when a woman has pushed him too far or when we even give into that option… should I even say it… hitting a man because we know he’s too much of a gentleman to hit back, there’s only one solution to the problem.

Call your momma.

Now a good mother (or a good woman) knows how to protect her son. Women can only handle women problems of this nature and there are only two solutions to this. Just as I’ve stressed that a woman needs an alpha male in her life. Men need an alpha female in his life. You need a woman who other women know not to play these silly azz games with because you’ve already trained him not to go toe to toe with. Alpha women are experts at dealing and playing the female mental mind tortures because we invented a couple of them ourselves.

I tell my children and I live by a rule, “If you’re going to play the game of crazy, I play crazy to win.”

My tactic for handling this situation would be too first: Talk to the female. (I’ve demeaned her from woman because obviously she doesn’t deserve that honor so I’m going to only treat her like a human being.) Any smart, self-respecting female will back off and either make up or break up. And I’ll gladly offer her any assistance in either of the processes with a warning this better not happen again.
If she still wants to go toe to toe with him then we’ll resort to step two: THE BEAT DOWN.

I will go to jail trying to beat a heifer within an inch of her life if she thinks she can hit and demean my son into hitting her.

Oh yeah, I will knock a heifer clear into next week for my son and will smile the entire time as I whip a pound of flesh off her for the audacity of having the nerve to F*^$%! With him

Yes, you may say my methods of handling the situation is clearly ghetto, but I’d rather go to jail for beating a woman than my son enduring not only shame and failure at losing control.

Of course you should always try to talk these things out and yes, it may seem wussified for a man to “call his mother” for assistance, but men just really cannot fathom how verbally lethal a woman can get and when you’re trying to fight that kind of evil, sometimes you need something more evil.

I’ll be happy to play that woman for my son and he’ll still walk away a man.

Signs, Fate and Obstinate

try not to look into much at what fate brings into my life.

i know people are out there that says there are signs. Kinda like final destination where you look for the signs of things that you are destine for.

okay, i'm making this real difficult for you to read my mind, so let me tell you what happen.

been going on my ning sites a lot lately, (that's why I've been ignoring some of my blogs, lately - sorry) and of course one popped up for my high school class reunion. (I can't believe it's twenty years - lawd I'm old.)

Anyhoo, people from my class have been befriending me and goodd lawd time does a doozy on some people but hey, what can i say, life happens right.

So I go ahead and friend a lot of these people and so forth and so on, paying really no attention unless I really remember them.

Night before i have this really ... weird is all I can say, dream about someone from my high school days. It wasn't erotic or sexual in any way. It was like we were sharing this tender moment. I remember him rubbing his face against mine and whispering something in my ear, but we were in a quiet place just sharing face time and enjoying each other. And he looked at me real deep in my eyes with that look you want every man to give you for the rest of your life.

when I woke from the dream I thought it was real strange because during high school this "guy" and I had brief acquaintance and actually he was a year ahead of me and I wasn't anything popular.

The next morning, low and behold the guy befriended me and actually remembered me and my sister very well.

Sweat formed on my forehead just looking at the picture of him, because time had not aged one bit of him and I was just flaberghasted as I remembered the dream and seeing him.

I tried, as I said in the beginning, not to look too far into it and then just last night, HE sends me an invite to another event of a mixer. I had to miss the first mixer they announced because of radio shows that popped up.

Don't know if I want to go though because he even gives me permission to come sell my books. Hmmmm.... and he sends his number through to call him if I have any questions.

Hmmmm.... don't like fate coming up in the mix. Maybe cuz I'm a control freak and I'll fight what's to come just because.

I'm a stubborn mule. I know this. I'm honest with myself.

So I'm just talking and sharing but I'm not going to look too much into this. I'm not.

Scientific Facts About Love

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, we thought this article on the science of love was timely and interesting. It's from Happen magazine and it offers 10 "crazy" facts. For example, being in love drops the serotonin levels in the brain, which can lead people to obsess about their lover. Another items suggests that their may be a "right" way to kiss. People are more likely to tilt their heads to the right when kissing instead of left, says a report published recently in the journal Nature. A scientist from Ruhr University in Germany analyzed 124 pairs of smoochers and found that 65 percent go toward the right. Perhaps most interesting is a study from the Twin Research Unit at St. Thomas' Hospital, London. The study says that if one twin exhibits infidelity, the other twin strays 55% of the time. In the general population, the number is 23%. Click here to read the full article.

http://personals.aol.com/articles/2009/01/27/love-10-crazy-scientific-facts/

I am C. Jay and I am the CEO for The Risqué Cafe.

Being a parent, perfect mate, dealing with work, maintain a business,...this list can go on and on. Yet with all these hats that women have to wear, we are still expected to give peak performance. Mom, wife, mate, daughter...whatever the case may be.....no one thinks a woman ever gets tired. The Risqué Cafe motto is "Relax, Relate, and Release". This is definitely needed after maintaining a complex lifestyle and being fashionably conscious all day. Women of all races, I ‘m sure will agree, the relationship(s) they are involved in play an important part in their everyday lives as well.

What is The Risqué Café?

The Risqué Café is a relationship website that talks about real relationship issues that real people deal with everyday. The topics we speak about are issues people in relationships (dating or married) tend to shy away from because they are afraid of what others may think of them but the issues definitely exist. At The Risqué Café, you can discuss what's on your mind open and freely.

I developed The Risque Cafe as a way to unwind after dealing with the world all day...worrying about being politically correct, everybody pulling you in every direction, dealing with family issues, etc. After you have taken care of everybody else, you can come to The Risque Cafe....get you favorite beverage or a glass of wine and RELAX, RELATE to the topics and/or comments or a good book, and RELEASE by saying whatever you really want to say open and freely without anyone knowing who you are or hurting anyone's feeling. The Cafe let you; do you. My articles are my way of venting, sharing, connecting, and giving others a way to relieve stress as well.

"The Risqué Café also is a platform to inform, educate and entertain people through the power of promoting literacy. Not only is the website a great tool to allow women and/or men an opportunity to express themselves open and freely, it is a positive media outlet to help Authors promote themself, gain exposure, build a fan base, and share their craft with the world. During the past year, The Risque Cafe's structure has become a grassroot liaison which enables authors, independent organizations, and readers to develop relationships with extended markets. With persistance and hardwork, The Risque Cafe has also generated more awareness and support of authors and poets in my hometown as well as other areas. Much of this is due to the extensive time and preparation that is invested into researching and preparing professional effective marketing campaigns. Because of my desire to diversify and broaden the literary community, I plan and promote events to bring positive opportunities to open doors for anyone interested in literature and arts."

Check out www.TheRisqueCafe.com and leave a comment or two. Enjoy the site.

Thank you,

C. Jay

The Risqué Café

www.therisquecafe.com

www.myspace.com/therisquecafe

For this Valentine's Day, FIREPROOF your relationship!

Yesterday, I saw a really good movie. I think a lot of African Americans didn't watch this one because it was pushed more toward others and not our key market, but man, we really missed something.   Okay, here's the breakdown:   Fireproof is about Caleb and Catherine who are on the borderline of divorcing. He tells Catherine after a horrible horrible (I mean screaming crazy mad rant) that he could careless what she does and pushes her to file for divorce. As a firefighter chief, Caleb is always drilling in his men "Never Leave Your Partner!" Yet in his personal life, Caleb could care only about himself. (This man was truly the epitome of selfishness.) That is until Caleb's father writes his son a to do list called "The Love Dare" and Caleb has to promise to do the entire list before signing the divorce papers. (OMG! - you can actually buy this book, which I did before.)   Every day for 40 days, Caleb has to do something out of this book for his wife, for himself, for his relationship. OMG! I can't stop saying that. It was just beautiful and it was so many lessons learned that this book brought out in Caleb. He changed. His wife changed. They fell in love again. Now I know you're saying this is just a movie but it wasn't just the movie it was the tasks he was instructed to do in order to fall in love with his wife again. They were extravagant (although it was hilarious as you watch this frugal selfish man buy flowers for her because he didn't want to spend any of his boat money. "How much is it without the bear and chocolates?" he basically asked . OMG! )   I'm recommending this movie for anyone and everyone. I know you won't just want to watch it once. You need to buy it. And watch it all the time. I'll tell you about The Love Dare when it arrives.    I'd like to note, no movie has actually made me just go out and buy a book the next day. (I even took a couple of months to actually place an order for beadle bard by J.K. and that was a really good book I really really wanted to read.)   www.amazon.com/Love-Dare-Stephen-Kendrick/dp/0805448853/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/motowritnetw-20 The Love Dare Bible Study Member Book creates a marriage-centered Bible study experience for individuals and couples. Eight small-group sessions are based around one or more movie clips from the motion picture FIREPROOF and connect couples to The Love Dare both during the session and throughout the week. It utilizes activities that create community, provide opportunities to dialog about real life in real marriage, explore and apply God's Word, and invite participants into a risky but redemptive journey. Learn more » Now You're Speaking My Language is the anticipated paperback edition of Gary Chapman's 2004 Gold Medallion award winner, Covenant Marriage. This especially popular book from the multimillion selling author encourages husbands and wives to offer steadfast loyalty, forgiveness, empathy, and commitment to resolving conflict, thus encouraging each other in spiritual growth. Learn more » Tommy Nelson, Song of Solomon Bible conferences founder and best-selling author of The Book of Romance, is back with Better Love Now! This new release provides wise, practical, and affordable Christian marriage counseling in the areas of communication, family life, sex, and more. Discover what your mate thought you meant when you said "I do!" - don't miss your chance to actually change your life and your marriage. Learn more » When it comes to marriage, some things are just necessary. So say the authors of The Necessary Nine: How to Stay Happily Married for Life! Dan Seaborn and Peter Newhouse are proud to be regular guys turned professional marriage and family experts who have determined nine actions that will help couples stay married. Learn more » The Healthy Marriage Handbook answers more than 200 confidential, personal questions on every aspect of the marriage relationship. It's almost like having a wise, trusted friend come alongside — ready at a moment's notice to help couples clear the inevitable hurdles they encounter on the road to marital happiness. The advice is time-tested, offered with compassion and understanding, and — most importantly — based on solid biblical counsel. Learn more » As exciting as having a baby can be, the birth of a child brings new tensions and stress to a couple's relationship. Written from personal experience as well as countless conversations with parents, Your Marriage Can Survive a Newborn offers couples hope and encouragement. This book is not about parenting a newborn; it's about helping your relationship grow and survive during what some parents describe as one of the most challenging yet rewarding times of their lives. Authors Glenn and Natalie Williams share about their marriage relationship in an effort to encourage new parents to focus on not forgetting to love each other as well as their new baby. Learn more » Best-selling author John Trent has realized that, despite the boom in spiritual books pointing to the promise of a more meaningful life, the process of actually changing one's life is still too overwhelming to hundreds of thousands of readers. The 2-Degree Difference is his response to that reality. This dynamic book begins with the parable of a man who has tried every motivational resource available, but still keeps falling apart. That is until two men—a world apart—show him how to move from wanting to change to actually changing, two degrees at a time. Learn more »   Sylvia Hubbard Author, Blogger and Founder of Motown Writers Network http://sylviahubbard.com http://motownwriters.com http://michiganliterarynetwork.com http://detroitliterarynetwork.com     NOW AVAILABLE: Secrets, Lies and Family Ties order your copy now

Feel the Sensation with Dr. Laura Berman

Note to readers: mature content on the way. THIS WAS AN AWESOME LEARING EXPERIENCE. I must give Dr. Berman snaps up on teaching an old gurl a new trick (and a new word).   Note to self, remember : sensate focus       Feel the Sensation   If sex is leaving you with a case of the blahs, it's time to get sensate. Sensate focus is a series of specific exercises for couples which encourages each partner to take turns paying increased attention to their own senses. The techniques involved in sensate focus can bring back those tingles and restore the novelty in your sex life, no matter how long you've been together. You will heighten your awareness of each other's bodies by slowing down and discovering new kinds of touch.   To make the most of sensate focus, you should set aside at least an hour of time with no fear of interruption. Make your bedroom warm and relaxing. There should be no talking, since you'll want to focus on enjoying the physical sensations you are feeling. Here's what to do:   Explore touching and stroking each other's bodies — but the breasts and genitals are off-limits. Explore your partner's body for 20 minutes, then switch places. Spend another 20 minutes each massaging each other, but this time include the breasts and genitals. The goal is not arousal — but no worries if it happens! Now try touching and exploring each other's bodies at the same time. Devote a full 20 minutes to this. Again, the focus is not on arousal, but on what feels good while touching and being touched. If you feel inclined (and odds are you will!), move on to having intercourse with a continuing focus on the sensations and connections of the moment. Try sensate focus whenever you feel that your sex life is becoming routine. It'll put you back in touch with the most basic sensations, and give your sex life a much-needed jolt of excitement!

Marry Me Again? Should You? (2009 East Coast Conference)

I thought this was a great idea. Do you think people should renew their vows? I think vows should be renewed at least five years. Not just to remind a couple what they promise but to build tradition and to make a big deal about being married when so few people are now a days. Marriage - to me - is not just making a vow to be with that person. It's a wonderful sacred realtionship that I would be proud to shout to the world that I was. And to do this repeatedly would be wonderful! Unable To View Graphics? Please Visit: http://www.urbanroundupeblast.com/predesign/6210468/ Sylvia Hubbard Author, Blogger and Founder of Motown Writers Network http://sylviahubbard.com/ http://motownwriters.com/ http://michiganliterarynetwork.com/ http://detroitliterarynetwork.com/ NOW AVAILABLE: Secrets, Lies and Family Ties order your copy now

Should this ad have been rejected?

In my past post, I have talked about my deep decision on raising a black man.

Just being a single mother was a very hard decision for me, but this ad really pulled at some heart strings. It was simple yet deep.

I do believe every woman has the right to choose. I'm not a hard ass about it. My beliefs in being pro choice has nothing to do with anyone else's beliefs in not being.

Having a degree in marketing/management, I do understand why this commercial was rejected from a business stand point.

In this day in age, where we have to play politically correct in front of people, this view often spills over into the media. It's hard not to offend anyone in public anymore.

Marriage 101 by Jewell R. Powell

Marriage 101 by Jewell R. Powell Revell Marriage is no fairy tale. Author Jewell R. Powell knows from experience. But she also discovered that there is hope for getting through the hard times, and that, with God, a happy and fulfilling marriage is possible. Using the story of Sleeping Beauty as a parable of God's plan for marriage, this book/workbook combination offers an 8-week plan for individual or group study that encourages examining the areas in our lives that need to change. Using biblical examples, reflection questions, and Scripture meditation, Powell challenges those who want strong and healthy marital relationships to lay a spiritual foundation from which to grow. Marriage 101 is a valuable, insightful resource that couples can go to for help when dealing with the real issues they face. List Price: $13.99 - Price: $11.19 - You Save: $2.80 (20%)

I actually like my children

I know in a couple of years i'm going to regreat saying this, but I really do actually like spending time with my children. I find it so hard to believe because they really get on my nerve. they eat everything in the house - even the things that I specifically tell them not to eat, and they only do things sometimes when I scream and holar at them. that drives me frigging nuts. Sometimes I have to get evil and ugly to remind them that I didn't mess up the frigging house, they did. they're the ones that have all the messed up clothes, i don't. they use up the majority of electricity, water and heat.

But even though I spend 75% of my check on them it really all is forgotten when I'm laughing with them, they do awesome and thoughtful things for me and just make me feel real good for being their mother.

I think Shirley Ceasar said it best when she sung the song "No Charge."


My sister's little boy came
Into the kitchen one evening
While she was fixing supper

And he handed her a piece
Of paper he'd been writing on
And after wiping her hands on an apron
She took it in her hands and
She read it and this is what it said

For mowing the yard, five dollars
And for making up my own
Bed this week, one dollar
For going to the store, fifty cents
And playing with little brother while
You went shopping, twenty-five cents

For taking out the trash, one dollar
And for getting a good report card
Five dollars, and for raking
The yard, two dollars
Total owed, fourteen seventy-five

Well, she looked at him
Standing there and expecting
And a thousand memories
Flashed through her mind

So she picked up the pen
And turned the paper over
And this is what she wrote

For the nine months I carried you
Growing inside me, no charge
For the nights I sat up with you
Doctored you, prayed for you
No charge

For the time and the tears and
The cost through the years
There is no charge
When you add it all up
Lyrics courtesy Top40db.
The cost of my love is no charge

For the nights filled with dread
And the worries ahead, no charge
For advice and the knowledge
And the cost of your college
No charge

For the toys, food and clothes
And for wiping your nose
There's no charge, son
When you add it all up
The full cost of my love
Is no charge

Well, you know when I think about that
I think about the day that Jesus
Went out and gave his life
As a ransom for me

When I think on the words
If any man be in Christ
He's a new creature

I like to think about the very
Minute that he shedded his blood
My debt was paid in full

And I want you to know today
When you add it all up
The full cost of real love
Is no charge








Now when I said I would regret saying this, I know you think that's mean to say. My oldest is 13 (yes and SHE is getting on my second to last nerve.) My son (the middle) is going on 12 in less than thirty days. The youngest is 7 and she's sweet but she's 7 and if you have a 7 year old you know what I mean when I say she is 7 - none stop whys, nonstop talking, nonstop details, complains, and crying about how unfair life is and can't wait to be 13 like her sister.

I know in a couple of years I'll be wondering who they are and looking for the receipt from the hosptial to see if I can return them.

But for now, I'm happy with them. They're pretty smart, appreciative and they honestly want me to be happy right now.

I feel almost like a queen.

.... I said almost. LOL.