Learning the Anatomy of Pleasure

by Wendy Strgar. CEO & Loveologist
Good Clean Love, Inc.


There is a lot that we never learned about our own sexual anatomy growing up. In fact, the anatomical facts of nature have been seriously updated. All of this talk of G spots and female ejaculation has inspired a second look. Who knew that the clitoris is not just a magic button crowning the vagina, but was proclaimed by Masters and Johnson as "a unique organ in the total of humanity." The organ, with over 8000 nerve endings, twice as many as the penis, has actually 18 parts both visible and invisible. It is so complex and extends so deeply into the pelvis that is now actually considered an organ system. The clitoris is now widely considered homologous to the penis with more structural similarities than differences. This new understanding of the function of the clitoris as an intricate network capable of a vast multitude of unique and powerful orgasmic sensations literally changes the map to pleasure.

The same could be said of the male sexual organs. The anxiety that many, if not most, men feel about their penis size is as universal as the misconception that it is the penis that is the ringleader when it comes to sexual satisfaction and prowess. "We equate masculinity and power with penis size," says Ira Sharlip, MD, clinical professor of urology at the University of California at San Francisco and president of the International Society for Sexual Medicine. "Of course, there's really no relationship." Still, Sharlip says, "all" of his patients want to increase their penis size.. Many men are surprised when they move their attention away from the penis to the powerful erogenous zones nearby like the prostate area and scrotum. The penile roots, not unlike the clitoral ones have a whole different arousal capacity and depth.

Read more of Learning the Anatomy of Pleasure...

Fwd: A Love Language Minute: Are You Getting the Point?

Are You Getting the Point? Communication is easy until you have a disagreement.  So, how do we process conflicts without arguing?  As I was writing my book The Marriage You've Always Wanted, one of the great discoveries I made was the awesome power of listening.  Most of us are far better at "making our point" than in "getting the point" of the other person.  Listening has to do with trying to look at the world through the other person's eyes.  It's not that difficult if you try. Once you can truthfully say, "I think I understand what you are saying, and it makes sense."  Then you can say, "Let me tell you how I'm thinking, and see if it makes sense to you."  Two people who listen long enough to affirm each other can then find a win-win solution.    Arguments reveal the heart.  Almost always arguments grow out of unmet emotional needs.  One wife said, "Little things like getting the old newspapers out to the garage for recycling is not a big deal to him, but it is to me because I hate clutter.  It's kind of a visual thing."  What is she saying?  One of her emotional needs is to have order in the house.  Clutter is emotionally upsetting to her.   The wise husband and wife will look for the emotional need behind the argument.  Why is my spouse so upset over what seems trivial to me?  The answer to that question will help you understand your spouse.  Meeting emotional needs for each other is one way to create a positive climate for communication. Adapted from The Marriage You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Don't stop talking and don't stop listening

COMMUNICATION 101

"Who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God."


"Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to the body. Don't stop talking and don't stop listening." Dr. Gary Chapman

To me Speaking with another person about your feelings is like opening the door to your heart.

We don't like that. It's unprotected, unguarded and able to become hurt by even a sliver of negativity.

How do we make sure that this does not happen?

There's really no way to prevent it, but we hpe to create a relationship with someone who will be not only our freak in the bed, but our friend.

A friend should have access to weave their way through your unguarded territories without fear of getting hurt or being hurt. Havign a friend with your partner creates a clear path to healing and loving more between the two of you.

We all hope this happens to us. We pray for a relationship with our partner where we can feel safe and secure knowing that they are our friend and they will protect and be careful with the fragile heart we lay at their feet.

To ensure this, we have to really become friends with our partner. Not that temporary kind where you're only liking each other because you have great sex, but like them as a person. Want to talk to them about things going on in each other's lives and really be there for one another.

That's what friends do.

Just because you have sex with this person does not mean you cannot speak to them about what's most vulnerable to you.

An open line of communication is very important and friends have this, cherish this and love this about each other.

Be friends with your partner and certainly your relationship will strengthen grow and insure longevity.

When Sex Is Better Solo

http://www.drlauraberman.com/public/passionfiles/passionfiles.aspx?issueid=9373

When Sex Is Better Solo

If you find that you can reach orgasm during masturbation, but not during sex with your partner, then you're like most women, who find it far easier — and faster — to reach orgasm when they stimulate themselves. It's one part practice (you've most likely been doing it awhile) and one part lack of pressure (there's no one to please or impress but yourself). When you're alone, you get exactly what you want without any of the performance anxiety.

The good news is that you know you are capable of orgasm. The bad news is that something is standing in the way of your complete satisfaction during sex with your partner, and you now have to determine what that is.

Sometimes, it's simply about technique. When you masturbate, you are automatically doing what works for you and may not stop to think about it. So, the next time you masturbate, be your own student. Focus on what you touch first, then second, then third. What kind of pressure do you use? What's your technique? Do you fantasize? Then carry the lessons you've learned into sex with your partner. Don't be afraid to tell him exactly how to please you — I can almost guarantee he'll be an apt pupil!

READ MORE AT: http://www.drlauraberman.com/public/passionfiles/passionfiles.aspx?issueid=9373

My personal take on this one:

I'm going to share a personal story here...

As a highly sexual woman, I've always been cognizant of the different types of orgasms that women experience. I was blessed to have an avid "teacher" upon my initial sex experience so it gave me an great understanding of what makes my body tick.

Having a good orgasm with a man has been no problem unless he was really in a hurry and he really didn't care.

I tell you this because there's a big difference between a good orgasm and a great orgasm and those great ones come farther apart than a full moon and when you get them they can be like crack and you want them all the time.

I think that's why i did stay with my exhub as long as i did because i thought in my mind if i could just have one more of those great ones it'll be okay. That's how addictive those "great ones" are.

You'd be willing to sell your baby on E-bay if those great orgasms came in a bottle and that was the trade off. Seriously.

And what's so good about these is that you don't have to have one like a man. You can have several of them.

Dr. Berman was right. The solo ones are good because you know what you want and subconsciously make adjustments in order to achieve them.

How I was able to teach my ex-husband how to do it?

Okay, here goes.

One night, where he was rubbing and hugging me from behind in bed, his hand moved down between my legs.

He began to use those damn two fingers to try to light a fire. I was going to grit my teeth and just take it, but for some reason I wasn't in the mood to have a rash on my nub by morning, so I covered his hands to still his hand. I move his fingers down so that his palm rested on my moins then proceeded to show him how to rub my body correctly. It was a learning experience and for some reason that night he was apt pupil and listened to what I wanted.

Tips on training

Whisper your wishes - this makes him listen closely to instructions and his need (or over eagerness won't supersede his desire to make you happy)

Compliment good touches - he really needs to hear this. If it feels good tell him. Smile wicked or even laugh if he hit the right spot at the right time and then blow his mind and let him know you're coming. If you really want to rock his word, make sure you end it with an erotic endearment such as Papi, Big Daddy, LOL.

NO Negative words - "don't" "no" "stop it" are some words to stay away from.

Be open and honest - even though you want to stay away from negative words, when he's not doing it right, tell him. "Go slower" "Right there" Aural stimulation at this point works great for guys at this point and trust me his reward will be to see his efforts success as you culminate.

Hope this all helps guy and gals!

Is Living Together the Right Move?

Is Living Together the Right Move?

Many couples believe it's a good idea to give marriage a test-drive by moving
in together.

Cohabitation has become a dating norm, the step in between getting
serious and getting married. The logic is easy to understand: You can't really
know someone until you live with them. You should see how you get along before
getting hitched, right?

According to the data, however, this seemingly rational approach may not
always be the right one for a lasting marriage. Heaps of studies over the past
two decades have found a higher risk of divorce among couples who live together
before marriage. While some of this may be explained by the fact that
less-traditional people are more willing to live together before marriage — and
perhaps more willing to end a marriage in which they're unhappy — studies still
find that playing house before you are actually Mr. and Mrs. can decrease your
chances of ending up happily-ever-after. With nearly half of all couples
deciding to move in together at some point in their relationship, this is an
important correlation to consider.

Living together before marriage may weaken a couple's conflict resolution skills
and willingness to compromise. When you know that you can walk away at any time,
working through difficult relationship problems is less of a priority. And that
can be a hard habit to break once you're married.

read more at:

http://www.drlauraberman.com/public/passionfiles/passionfiles.aspx?issueid=9375


My personal take on this:

I have always thought deep and hard about this and for no good reason do I see me moving in with a man would help me in any kind of way.

I've been asked by past beaus, but I've never had the desire to want to do this.
Maybe it's because I was raised by a man and spent 18 years of my life living
with one and the thought of repeating that to a man I didn't know if I truly
wanted to be with for the rest of my life was a big decision.

Cohabitation is a big decision and nothing one should make lightly, so if you're
going to live together why not marry?

You're living in their house or they are living in yours. I wouldn't like the
fact that it's not mine and even though my stuff is there, it's still not mine
and if they die, I get evicted by the family and maybe locked out of getting my
stuff. I know that's just over thinking it but I just like to know my house is
my sanctuary and I don't have to worry about being evicted just because you
don't like me anymore.

Plus in Michigan, there is still a law on the books about men and women living
together which is why there is no common law in Michigan.

How do you feel about Cohabitation? I'd love to hear what people have to say about it now. with so many things going on in the world and especially in this financial crises, I'd think about of public opinion has changed regarding this.

Authenticity The Game First Year Anniversary

http://www.playauthenticity.com

Authenticity The Game First Year Anniversary

Authenticity the relationship game celebrates a successful first year with
an entertaining reception featuring food entertainment and prize
giveaways. Play samples of the game, learn more about why it was created
and hear success stories.
http://www.playauthenticity.com

.

Sheila Brown - Creator, Authenticity The Game

Sheila Brown, was likemany successful professional women you meet today; college graduate,successful career with a nice income to match Sheila was extremely happy withevery area of her life,exceptone, DATING! She never was able to find that special someone to share herlife. While getting dates weren't a problem. All those relationships fellshort of the perfect union that she was seeking. After some time ofreflection, Sheila realized that the men she dated lacked one or more of themain 3 characteristics that she desired in a mate; emotional availability,spiritual foundation and solid moral values. She also realized that she hadstayed too long because she was not asking the right questions early in therelationship. It was then that she realized that she needed to develop aseries of questions that would provide greater insight into the character ofthe next man she dated.

Those questions led her to a whole new career of entrepreneur and the development of
the board game Authenticity . "Authenticity was created to provide couples
that are dating, engaged or newly married the opportunity to learn more about
their mate in a fun, interactive yet informative format. To achieve the full
benefits of the game you and your mate must be completely Authentic. To be
authentic is to truly be yourself, be proud of your past and your future. The
focus is not winning or losing but learning and connecting with your mate so
that you can determine if there is a love connection or if counseling is in
your near future. You can lose this game if you and/or your mate are not
authentic in answering the questions. I hope that you find this game helpful
in finding that person with which you truly connect."

Some of Authenticity's topics range from Sex and Romance, Finance, Life, Family,
Religion and Situation (example question: You mate is an awful dancer but
insist on dancing at every social event. Do you dance and deal with the
embarrassment, refuse to dance, tell your mate he/she can't dance or stop
attending social events?) . To order you can visit the web site

www.playauthenticity.com .

Fulfilling a fantasy

... while dating...while married…while just anything…

…it’s fun!

I know I’ve been quiet on the home front at LABW. Well there’s no excuse and you have my permission to tap me for that.

At first it was work, work…Next came Twitter… Lawd, I think my life shut down while I adjusted to that whirlwind of an addiction. Bout the same time, the beau was taking up my time offline while Twitter viciously kept me locked and stupid online. LOL.

My editor for Tanner’s Devil sent back the edits and it was almost a rewrite in my opinion so I’ve been consumed with that.

I decided after last night it was time to get on and give you an update.

Okay, so if you haven’t caught up since the BM catastrophe and then the 7 days to break up, you probably had it in your mind that I was not dating any more.

I had my reasons and I thought I was really going to never ever do this, but the beau… well, you’ll have to see him to believe him and then there’s history between us. 8 years. I had put him in the untouchable category.

I mean there are people of the opposite sex in your life that you really have to draw a line at. You have to say they are going to be in this category and no matter you aren’t going to cross that.

He was over that line especially when I found out that he got married, but then he got divorced. Okay, enough personal info.

Now that he’s free and I’m free, and he was so persistent… When a man that fine doesn’t know how to give up in trying to get you to go out with him, well… it’s hard to resist your hard core resolve, even for a hood chick like me. LOL.

Last night the new beau and I went out to a movie.

We both have family obligations so we knew in advance they'd be a small window of opportunity to see each other. He has a rotating schedule and y’all know me I’m just plain busy with all the other stuff other than family obligation.

We wanted to make the best of it and go to a movie which we hadn’t done in a long while. (That’s something we have in common is going to the movies. And I don’t have to pay with this one. Yeah Longer story there).

We saw GI Joe. It was pretty action packed; definite man movie with a side of cuteness to keep the woman in the seats. As

we left the theatre we both realize our date was too short.

We've been practicing restraint, but we hadn't seen each other in such a while. (His rotating days and my schedule are so ill matched – like water and oil)

Still our responsibilities to our children come first. He drove me. As we were driving and talking I realized we weren’t driving anywhere near my home. We pulled up in his high school alma mater and parked.

All the while he was telling me how he was shy in high school and didn’t date any girls at the time. But he'd always wanted to make out in the parking lot.

It was a dream come true and damn fun. If you've read prior entries of How To Love A Black Woman you know I'm a fan of long foreplay.

Very long foreplay and I must compliment the new beau because he must have read this blog and didn't tell me.

Tingling at the thought of that one.

I felt like a teenager because we didn’t go all the way. My lips were sore, my need was great and I was hornier than a nypho in a room full of 30 naked men at a special attention party. (Don’t ask.)

I don’t think there are any rules as to what kind of fantasies to fill while dating and there are no rules to fantasy fulfillment while married, but I do recommend doing so.

Keep it simple and in the beginning keep it small. If you are the one helping the other fulfill their fantasy, the number one rule is to keep an open mind. If they aren’t going over the rules or boundaries that you’ve set in place then let go and let it flow.

And remember this isn’t a Hollywood movie. It’s not going to go like some kind of fairy tale.

(I did bruise on that middle casing between us as I slid over into his seat and I hit my head on the ceiling. It was tight between the steering column on my butt until he moved the seat back, but in the end it did work out).

Expect bumps in the road, laugh them off, don’t quit and just have fun.

Most importantly… relax!

I'm kind of glad he didn't tell me what was plan because I think I would have over worried about what was to come rather than enjoying and

At the end of the night, when he walked me to the door to steal one more kiss, I was smiling like a little girl who has big crush on the high school hunk. Haven’t felt like that since my first kiss.

Honestly.

6 Marriage Myths Debunked

by Corey
@ http://www.simplemarriage.net

The only thing perfect about marriage is the airbrushed wedding photo. ~ Anonymous

Marriage, even the best of marriages, takes effort and work.

In fact, based on the research I recently conducted regarding the essential elements necessary for a marriage to thrive, commitment, trust, and respect were in the top five – and each of these require work to make happen.

Many people still enter into marriage wearing rose-colored glasses. We long for the Hollywoodization of relationships. Where everything goes smoothly and passionately and all our disagreements are resolved before the credits roll.

Marriage myths can undermine your relationship. Rather than falling victim to these myths, take off the glasses and be honest with yourself and your spouse.

You don’t have to settle for less. In fact, you likely are reading this post (and Simple Marriage) because you’re interested making your marriage all it can be.

A great marriage is a long-term process — not an overnight miracle. By uncovering and debunking these marriage myths you’ll see things more clearly in life and marriage.

READ MORE HERE:
http://www.simplemarriage.net/6-marriage-myths-debunked.html

ARTICLE: What We Love About Sex by Wendy Strgar. CEO Good Clean Love & Loveologist

What We Love About Sex Appreciating the joys of living in a body of flesh and blood literally begins with the euphoric recognition of what it is to be a sexual being. From the tiniest of sensations on the skin to the perfectly placed nerve endings in our most erogenous zones, we are bodies  molecularly designed to experience profound pleasure, deep connection and the ability to procreate all within the same remarkable, mysterious, life changing act. This month we invite you to explore with us the wonders of what we love about sex.   For me, one of the most mysterious and gratifying parts of being sexual is how it allows me to leave the boundaries of the normal day behind. I am not sure where the sexy woman in me hides out in all the endless chores of tending to home and family; I can tell you that she is not the woman who is coordinating the kids schedules, planning the meals, driving in circles between schools and sports or even the woman who keeps the Good Clean Love going everyday. And often I have to dig deep to find that crazy sexy part of me, but I keep the door always open for her because it is the only time in this predictable life of mine, when I never know what will happen next.   Read more of What We Love About Sex... http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?et=1102662157410&s=5709&e=001WcpIjf11jNVnqrHy-FH_VeSgc_74y2QVfxPI_cHDO--Dp92aCbBc_0wI4hLidsWTXdwaMdYRzL8mMRmwSAvRdcY4ezS5a2mOrLwzjANLbCyQslBG9nZqLX4cJl3JkaF_xz4daono8yHvie_szKwCfui2gNKwRix_RAOkoxQZ1-up6vQNsF51PWaL02e24kkneaLR0ewlx9RpaayH_ikyGA== Wendy Strgar. CEO & Loveologist Good Clean Love, Inc.

Patience Really Is A Virtue

How am I suppose to love a blackwoman when she wont even give me the time of day?


If God wants this to be, you must practice patience and wait for him.

My moms told me a long time ago, "he may not come when you want him, but he's always right on time."

Of course i thought this woman was three sheets to the wind all the time before I turned nineteen, but I have to say that woman was right.

She has always had a deep insight on human nature.

When looking for the answer from the man at all times you must ask what HE wants. It's not about you.

It's about your faith in him and allowing him to bring happiness in your life.

So when you ask me: How am I suppose to love a blackwoman when she wont even give me the time of day?

You really should be asking God to give you patience because if you are doing what you're supposed to be as a man for God, he will bring you a queen worthy of you

Just my ranting and raving from http://loveablackwoman.com