Developing a Satifying Single Parent Relationship with your child(ren) with 6 Steps

Over the years, I've been asked "How Do I Do It."

Being the mother of three children, two almost teenagers and an eight year old that blinks way too much when you speak to her, I've found that there are a lot of little things you have to do in order to get to the big thing - getting grown and out of my house to support me. Honestly, that's my main objective in life and I will sacrifice any and all things as a loving mother to obtain this goal. It might sound selfish, but really when you look at the BIG picture, it isn't. 

a. Once they get grown, they'll know they have to get out. No ands, if or butts about it. There can only be one leader in a household. One queen in the household. When they are grown, they'll be smart, independent and ready for the world. (This is what I'm hoping my parenting will achieve) They will no longer need my nesting and want very little of my mothering.

b.Supporting me is the great benefit of having smart, independent and ready for the world children. They will be able to find good jobs that support them, while each other gives me some part of happiness in forms of giving me a house, a car and bi-annual world vacation or cruise. Sounds crazy? Yeah, but you know I have to hope.

In order to accomplish this, a single parent must develop a satisfying relationship with the child. Please remember, bottom line, you are the parent. It's you against the world trying to instill some descent morals and values into a sponge vessel that's also part vacuum because it sucks up EVERYTHING. (Including all the food in your kitchen.)

1. Don't lie to them. Children are bull crap detectors. They pay more attention to you than you do. Lieing to them builds distrust and pushes away the morals that honesty is the best policy. If you want them to be honest with you, be honest with them. 
   
2. Let them know Mistakes will be made. Don't make yourself try to look like Superwoman. Let them know Mommies and Daddies get tired mentally and physically. At this time of weakness, bond with the family more and let them know there is unconditional love all around them. 
3. Take Care of Needs. From the time they touch the air until they are ten, let them know you will always take care of the things they need. NEED! Building this trust inside of them gives them the security that is very important. They need to know you'll be there to take care of their needs before anyone else will. That foundation is very important to a child.
4. Practice What You Preach. This encompasses a little bit of #1. Like I said, Children have the eyes of God when it comes to you and just because you don't show it, they know it. Be careful of what you do and say around your children because you habits and faults will become theirs.
5. Reward Good Behavior. Don't just give big gifts at Christmas time. Get that extra game he's been slobbering over or the new shoes she just really want to have (when you financially can) and when they do something good. Not just good report cards, but cleaning up your room and washing all the clothes in the house. Doing things without being asked to do. Taking really good care of their younger sibling (even putting them to bed or making sure they're homework is done to take less of a load off of you.) Make sure you keep little tokens of appreciation around to dole out when everyone does a great job. I try to stay away from giving money to them. Not just because I could be broke from week to week, but I don't want to establish monetary worth to good behavior.
6. Pick Your Battles. The battles I will engage in is lying and stealing. These are two that I will not tolerate in my castle. I had to learn a long time ago that I would die of tennis elbow if I decided to punish the children every time they did something bad. Vary punishments so that they know nothing is allowed, but they will be punished. Time Outs, Electronic Restrictions (TV, Internet, Gaming etc.), Cleaning out the basement or garage, and other privilege prohibitions come to mind for a varying degrees of disobedience before resorting to getting tennis elbow. Find something that is like nails on a chalkboard for them and you will have them promising, "No more, Momma. I won't do it again."

My mother told me a long time ago, prepare them to live with you. Remember that these little people will be with you for a good eighteen years of their lives.

Getting them on the road to success is just part of the job without losing your own sanity in the process.

I hope these tips were helpful. Would others have more tips to help single parents?