How can I stop him from getting our son and mentally abusing him?

Another question posed to me is answered below. Please remember, I'm not a professional. I just give my advice from my life experience and from what I believe to be the best answer in my own opinion.

I'd love to know yours and I invite you to share it in the comments. Thanks

The entire question is as follows:

My son is near 2 years of age, and his "father" and I have NOT been together since I was 3 months pregnant with Jaxson, (I left him, that's another story). Since this time, Jaxson's "father" refuses to come see him, pays the minimum $6 a WEEK Child Support even though he brags about making between $600-$2000 a day!



Now, in Jaxson's first year of life, I flew him up to Brisbane too see his father and after that I decided, No more, time you start making an effort. (I lived in Sydney at the time). Any who, he has been down to see Jaxson ONCE, and that was for a pathetic 2 days.


He now claims he wants more rights and as a father he wants Jaxson up in where ever it is he lives now, without me being around. I keep saying no, as I would fear for both of our safety. He has threatened that if he knew where he lived, he would come take Jaxson from me and take him up to live with him. Mind you Jaxson has NO idea who he is. He doesn't get b'day cards or xmas cards or anything.


Now, he also has dvo's out against him, one being from his former partner whom he has another 2 children too (which he also makes no effort). He is mentally unstable, although not proven. Very controlling, mentally abusive, physically (never has been, yet, to either myself or Jaxson) abusive, drives unlicensed, does burnouts and stupid things with children in the car). Yet these sort of men still get rights to their children. How do I stop him from doing such things as if he gets a hold of Jaxson, he will end up growing up disturbed like his "father" and will come home to me calling me a whench or skank.

Please note, I AM NOT suggesting all men are bad fathers, in fact I think there are alot of really good fathers, unfortunately its people like Jaxson's "father" that give the rest a bad rep. So please, I am not referring to every male, simply Jaxson's so called Dad.

Here is my answer to her question:

First and foremost, don't ever show your son or Jaxson's father that you are doing the following of what I'm going to tell you. You want to smile, be nice and never talk bad about the father - ESPECIALLY AROUND THE CHILD.







But you want to do these things to ensure a good outcome for the safety of the child and of course for you.






#1PAPERWORK






Anything and everything will help. You know he has these DVO's get the paperwork on him. Get references from others who have seen him do bad things.






#2. In the US we have the IRS, but whatever taxable entity he has, report his "income" he so call has.






#3. Every verbal threat he makes to you, file an informational report with the police. Keep a record or journal of his evil actions so if something happens you they know who to go after.


#4. Find a good lawyer that deals with this. If you can't afford a good one, then go to a legal aid or find a woman's or child abuse agency and ask them for help in finding one that you can afford or does pro bono work.


List all these things that you've said about him so in the court you sound very rational as you explain the father's shortcomings. Press the matter that he drives unlicensed so how is he to drive your son safely to and from his school or babysitters house. Press the matter that he has other DVO's again him. Find the former partner and see can you even get the paperwork she has on him to build a case for you.






I learned that when people see paperwork, I usually get my way.






Now with your son, surround him around positive successful men. Men you want him to be like because as he grows if he does have to go around his father, he will see the wrong living the man is doing and not only not want to become like that, but he will tell his father blatantly what he doesn't like. Either the man will not want to see his son again or he will straighten up for his child. Most likely the first suggestion if the father is as weak as you describe.






The reason why I say DO NOT show your emotions to this man or the child is that






#1 you don't want to distort or make the child choose between who is the better parent. trust me, crap floats and children see it more and first before we do, so don't worry about what opinion your son will form about his father. do your job as his mother to the best of your ability without saying one bad thing about his father. give general unemotional answers to him if he ask "how was daddy like" and go from there.






#2. you don't want the father to know you're building a case against him. When they say a woman's smile with blind enemies off their path, it's very true, but men tend to forget Hell has no fury like a woman's wrath. He won't know what hit him as you walk into court with your folder and proof of how unfit he is. He'll he unprepared to defend himself as you remain calm and unemotional even then to prove your case.






I do agree. Not all men are bad fathers, but it takes any man to donate the sperm, but a REAL MAN to be respected as a Daddy.