Getting The Most Out of Dates Or Moments With Your Partner Using Your Mouth!

Side Note: Originally I was going to name this post, "We Don't Talk Anymore," but the above subject line was so much more interesting to me. I told myself if I re-posted this, I'll go with the latter title, but for now, I'm getting a kick out of this title.

On LABW I spend a lot of time speaking about verbal stimulation. Women love to talk. Most men to know this, but what we love more ...(and when I say we, I mean mostly myself)... is we love feedback.

This came in my box this weekend:

Hey Sylvia, love your blog and love your tips the most. Gotta question and don't know for sure how to go about solving a dilemma. My wife said we don't talk anymore like we used to. I disagree. (Not out loud to her.) I try to make an effort to hear about her day and share my day. We get into great discussions about our lives away from each other, which I don't mind. I think we talk alot and communicate a lot about what bothers us. We've been married for five years, and I think I know my wife pretty well, but I'm not sure what she is saying when she's saying we don't talk alot. Hubsband Outta ATL

Immediately, I peeped what the wife was saying. Now before I explain what the wife meant about "We Don't Talk anymore like we used to," I should warn mean that most women (and by that I mean more of me than anything) have a tendency to be evasive when we are trying to get to the point. we understand when presenting a problem to you, we should be direct, short and sweet. But in those instructions, it never says clearly and that's where we get confused. We're used to long drawn out explainations to present our problems. Being short and sweet is not our best forte. (and by we, I really mean me.)

Now to explain this (or interpret) "We don't talk like we used to."

This means we are not having those deep psychological meaningful discussions anymore. Now we're engaging in small talk and that's not what stimulates us the most. I mean the small talks gives up happy mental twitches and even if the conversation is sexual, we might even get a higher rise. Yet, we want that deep passionate discussions about philosophy or education or religion and so forth. The ones that make our panties wet as we talk about how to find out the meaning of life or understand what E=MC2 really means.

A recent study published in Psychological Science says that people are happier when they spend more time discussing meaningful topics than engaging in small talk. Seventy-nine college students had their conversations recorded and analyzed by researchers, who distinguished between chit-chat about the food or the weather and discussions about philosophy, education, or religion. Subjects who reported the greatest amount of satisfaction spent only 10 percent of their conversation on small talk, while the unhappiest subjects kept 28.3 percent of their talking time in the shallow end.

Now I'm not going to try to ask you to remember what you used to talk about. For some that may have been so long ago, you would much rather pluck out your eye.

Instead, I'm going to give you five suggestions to get yourself started.

1. Political views and current events- This should be the easiest. The government is always doing something and usually in the first five minutes of the news, they'll let you know. As your partner how they feel about that.

2. Childhood and Family Life. This can bring up a whole bunch of emotions, plus treat you to things you may not have known about your partner. It can also take your relationship to a whole different level. I remember one guy never knew his wife never went to a prom before until she saw the next door teenager coming out her house with a prom dress to get in the limosine. The wife revealed she had gotten scarlett fever two days before prom and she had been very sad about the whole thing. On their next anniversary, he surprised his wife with their very own prom inside of their basement. Complete with a DJ, friends dressed up in prom attire, a DJ and a caterer. And guess who was crowned the king and queen?

3. Fears and insecurities - I don't mean phobias. This is more of emotional stresses. You can ask in ten years, what fear do you hope has never happened to you? I believe mine would be I hope I never have to bury any of my children and I hope in ten years I'm still not snuggling next to an empty pillow. You can also address retirement fears, financial fears and so on. Insecurities? women can really give you an overload on this. REMEMBER: Don't try to solve these problems. Just let them talk out their insecurities and then share some of your own. Another thing to remember about this topic: NEVER SHARE THESE WITH ANYONE EXCEPT YOUR PARTNER. Even after you break up - whether its a good break up or not. This topic is sort of a attorney-client priveledge similar rule. Let your partner know you'll go to your death with their secrets whether in good or bad times and you could very well have a partner for life.

4. TV and Movies - This is one of the most easiest and the most entertaining topics to discuss. There's so much going on and even revealing some new technology to a person is very stimulating. (Plus it makes you look really really smart. Brains is always a turn on for either gender).

5. The Future. Even though the fears and insecurities may seem upsetting, The future can be the hardest and mix the above mentions in as well. In our society ignorance is not bliss and we are scared, but we have to BE ADULTS and not admit we are scared. We hope. We hope a lot. As a single mother, I'm always thinking about my childrens' future, but back in my brain, the future I fear the most is mine becasue I'm so involved in trying to make sure their lives are well prepared for, that I'm forgetting to make preparations of my own. I know by the time my children leave the house, I'll probably have none of the things I wanted accomplish and be too tired to try to get them done. To help you on future subjects, you can ask: What is she working toward? What's driving him to succeed? Does she see herself still living in this state? What changes do they hope for? You can see growth and acceptable change in a person when you're asking these questions instead of someone who will languish in stagnation and pull you down to a slow death.

Now in other articles about more stimulating conversation, they suggest talking about ex's. I only suggest this if YOU are comfortable with this and the other party is too. What they reveal, you'll have to reveal something of equal value and some people aren't comfortable to know you were swinging from the chandeliers and being more freakier than you've ever been with them. I tend to stay away from this subject unless the person asks and persists or I really do feel comfortable with them. Most times though, I tell the person I'm not comfortable revealing things about my past until we're on a deeper level. Surprisingly, my ex-husband hardly ever asked about my ex-boyfriends. (I guess that's why he's my ex huh? LOL.)

Do you think there are other subjects you can or cannot bring up? What has been your experiences with deeper discussions and do you think I replied great feedback to our reader? Let's hear from you!