It's funny it took me twenty years of dating to understand how to date

(another odd observation)


I know my mentality is different from other females.Being raised by a father during the key time in my life when I needed a mother's voice in my head has changed the way I think and feel about relationships, sex and all the other stuff that goes along with getting along with another person. (I can deeply reveal, men hate when you act them like when it concerns situations they expect you to cry at. Which I find hilarious.)

Currently, I really do feel I lose all respect for a guy when he makes an indication of wanting me sexually. I mean yeah you can call me pretty and you can tell me how beautiful you think I am, but soon as you start begging for the punnany, I feel that it's time to move on. But I know I'm more than a piece of azz or three minutes to get to heaven. I'm more than that and like I've always preached in my blog (or my podium), I want more and I need more from a man in order to be happy. Plus, sex (also I've also said) should be the cherry on top of a sundae.

I used to really think it was wrong until I did two things

1. I got an accountability partner. This consisted of a girlfriend who checks me. I mean I told myself I didn't want to do anything I could tell her. We live vacariously through one another but darn if I'm going to admit I was swinging off the chandalier before she was. I can keep myself in check and know that it will not go that far.

2. I started to follow 4 practices in a relationship. Religious or not, I found that it helps to keep a path to what you want to get out of a relationship and help you give in a relationship

• Know
• Commit
• Trust 
• Touch.

The knowing part is the hardest and takes the longest. I usually give it about a good 90 days. You really find out a lot about a person in those days once you exclude sex out. Now I'm not saying there can be referrals. Who doesn't have a dirty mined and if you can't express the dirtiness with someone without it leading to the physical I really feel that's more fun.

(Don't get me wrong, I do miss the physical. I miss it very much, but my accountability partner keeps that in check).

Once the knowing has started, some sort of committment should take place. meaning whether you're cool being friends or you'd like to see what it's like to date without the horizontal mambo. For me, I'm good being a friend with great dates. I'm getting comfortable with have maybe a nice firm back massaging hug or a kiss on the cheek now.

At first I thought it was weird. As if something was missing, but with the plan, I knew i had to stick to it or I would not get the golden ticket."


Thirdly in trust, this is probably the hardest for me. I suspect everything. I suspect that there is something going on ad everyone has alternative plans or ultimate goals that has nothing to do with my happiness.

I find giving trust to another will be the most difficult challenge.

I have to say that i haven't gotten to this stage yet with a guy, but when I do, you'll be the first to know.

Lastly is touch.

And not just sex. Emotional, spiritual and  mental. More or less the art of touching without touching. Most people don't even know or understand that part of life or humanity. But it's something that connects us all and I would like to experience that with another human being.

I'll keep you abreast if that ever happens.