harder 2get and harder 2keep

I'm coming 2the conclusion that I'm harder 2get and harder 2keep. It's not a bad thing, but it's a realization the big 4-0 is making me face.

Yes, this year I'll be making the leap into another score (4 decades; almost  half a century)... and you know that sinking feeling the captain of the Titanic must have been feeling, I'm getting that too when it comes to dating.

Now don't get me wrong, I love this Titanic! (Meaning I love myself.) I love every facet about myself and I wouldn't change myself for the world - well, the ten pounds really needs to go and addiction to sweets needs to stops, yet despite that I just think I'm Da Bomb Dot Com. I really don't see anything wrong with the beautifulness that is called Sylvia. 

But This crap - dating - is sheer work and I really don't have the time or patience to really put up with the prospects.

I'm finding them - the men - I'm dating - needy, mother suckling, broke, over name dropping arrogant, no credit, no retirement, no savings what so ever, no job (or even an entrepreneur), no reader, no house, no good hygiene (nails, feet and breath), no courting skills....

I could go on, but I won't.

I blame myself though.

I'm a single mother, head of household, queen ruler of three very good kids and used to getting my way.

So when I say Hard to get, I mean I'm stubborn as all get out. It was bad enough before I had babies because I was always stubborn. My obstinacy just became worse once I worked almost 40 years out on my own ruling over my household like a martyr.

Although I was raised by a man and I know that I should allow my "husband" to be the ruler, giving up my throne is going to be truly frustrating and hard for me.

I really believe I'm going to hate him being in charge and I don't know if I can put up with the fact he will be. Power is addictive. Worse than crack and I love having control over all I survey. I'm high on power!

Other bad things I love:

• I love being right
• I love proving everyone else wrong
• I love winning
• I love getting my way
• I love that I get left alone when I feel like being left alone
• I love just doing things for me
• I love not sharing 
• I love that I can go all day without washing up and lying in my funk writing, reading and watching movies on a lazy Saturday afternoon without even brushing my teeth.

Yeah, the last one was way too TMI, but these are the things I love.

Unfortunately they don't work well in a relationship...

Hence, harder to keep comes to the table.

I know I'm probably going to change my ways, sooner or later.

Or maybe true love will actually come over me and make me see things differently... (blowing a strawberry) I doubt it, but at this moment, this is my big revelation.

I do understand if I don't I'll become like that crazy cat lady on the Simpsons... she does seem a little bit happy sometimes....LOL

I'll let you know when I change my tune. ... NOT! (in my best Borat impression)