Maya Angelou's best poem about women...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a youth she's content to leave behind....



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a feeling of control over her destiny...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to fall in love without losing herself..



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....

that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .

whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

Tell ESSENCE: Know where to meet great Black men? Know a great working

Tell ESSENCE: Know where to meet great Black men? Know a great working mom? Where are the Black men? Are you always meeting great men at places and functions most sisters are unaware of or overlook? ESSENCE.com wants YOU to tell us where we can meet attractive, single men! We've already highlighted the following: Grocery store, Bookstore, Church, Train/Bus, Weddings, Concert, Airports and sports bars, Salsa clubs, Home Depot, Gyms, Gas stations, Alumni associations, Weekly social event, Barbershop, Ski Trips Tell us where else can we meet single men (and make sure you explain why you chose that particular place). Don't forget to include your name, age and city of residence in your e-mail. Please pass this along to your friends. Send all responses to Porsche at pslocum@essence.com ___________________________________________________________ Wanted: Phenomenal Working Moms ESSENCE is on the lookout for African-American working moms who manage to balance having a great career with taking wonderful care of their family and themselves! These super-moms need to be willing to share their secrets to success: Do they enlist her older kids to help younger siblings with homework? Do they trade off babysitting with other girlfriends who have kids? Did they start their own business so they could make their own hours at home? We're open to everyone, but would love to profile: •    a single or divorced mom •    a mom who stays at home, but runs her own business •    a mom with a developmentally disabled child •    a mom with a very large family (more than five kids) •    a mom with multiples who are still young Moms, please email us at healthyliving@essence.com and tell us about your family, your career, and how you look out for yourself as well. Please include your name, age, geographic location and a photo of yourself. Thanks much! -------------------- To reply to this message, follow the link below: http://www.facebook.com/n.php/aHR0cDovL3d3dy5mYWNlYm9vay5jb20vbi8_1aW5ib3gvcmVhZG1lc3NhZ2UucGhwJnQ9MTA0MzY3MzMwMTg3Ng     Sylvia Hubbard Author, Blogger and Founder of Motown Writers Network http://sylviahubbard.com http://motownwriters.com http://michiganliterarynetwork.com http://detroitliterarynetwork.com     NOW AVAILABLE: Secrets, Lies and Family Ties order your copy now

Love Your Kids, But Be "In Love" With Your Husband

Raising kids is among the most important jobs there is, but so is nurturing a loving, happy relationship with your lifelong partner. In these high-pressure, overscheduled times, many women feel that if they're not giving everything of themselves — emotionally, physically, and logistically — to their kids, then they're not being good mothers. Unfortunately, a marriage can sometimes get lost in the shuffle.

You may love your children with all of your heart, but your hubby's needs should be placed at least as high as theirs! It's also important to take a step back and reprioritize what's important to you. Toning down Supermom can have real benefits for everyone. Reprioritizing intimacy is a gift to you and your partner, for instance, because it ignites your sex drive. A woman's libido grows from a feeling of connection with her partner. When life is overtaken with other responsibilities — especially excessive self-sacrifice — the sex falls by the wayside and your intimacy — and marriage — suffers.


A happy marriage is the greatest gift you can give to your children. And believe it or not, time away from the kids benefits them, too. The breathing room helps you be a better parent, and provides a model of love and commitment for them to work from when they forge their own romantic attachments later. Plus, you want to make sure you and your partner still love — and like — each other once the kids leave!

From Dr. Berman's Passion Prescription:
Visit DrLauraBerman.com and get back issues of the Passion Files newsletter, feature articles by Dr. Berman, news about her latest book, and links to all her Intimate Accessories.

Wassup 2008

I want to thank my friend WB for shooting this over to me.

I thought it was pretty funny.


"Its been eight long years since the boys said wassup to each other. Even with the effects of a down economy and imminent change in the White House, the boys are still able to come together and stay true to what really matters."

Enjoy

the bIg M

I remember when they started.

I was about seven and I could feel it. This was the brink, but I wasn't sure what it was. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat anything and every part of my head from the hairline all the way to the chin was starting to ache.

I went to bed early in a dark when I was scared of the dark, but only in no light I could feel a little better.

By the time I awoke the next day, I was in pain. So much so the light hurt the world swirled around me and I wanted to collapse to the ground and just cry.

I was having a migraine.

I remember getting up going down to find my mother and telling her my head hurt. I had no temperature. I wasn't hot. My head just hurt.

My parents were never one to keep me out of school so my mother gave me a children's tylenol and that was supposed to be it for me.

But it wasn't. The day was long and it was horrible. It didn't get any better and when I arrived home from school, my mother called and asked was I alright. (Mother's intuition)

I told her my head still hurt.

She took me to the doctor the next day, but by then the pain had receded, I could see a little better and everythin was almost back right with the world.

They found nothing wrong with me and said it could be a condition caused just as an after affect because i had an ulcer removed that I was born with.

Two months later, it returned.

My mother returned to the doc immediately then and they still found nothing wrong with me. Told my mother I was probably dehydrated and needed to lay off the candy. I didn't eat candy when I was a child. My father prohibited it.

I went home thinking maybe something was wrong with me.

I know I laid down under the covers after my mother made me drink a whole bunch of water and thanking the Lord it was a Saturday because I know my father would have made me go to school anyway.

I awoke the next day and the pain was gone.

Five months later, Whoops there it came!

Again I was trucked to the doctor and my mother expressed worry this time. The doctor thought I should get a scan. It could be a tumor or something worse.

I did, but they wouldn't give me anything for the pain. My mother told me to breath. I just wanted to remove my head and put it somewhere until it went away. It hurt so bad. My eyes felt like they were too big for the sockets and my teeth even had begun to hurt.

The scan showed nothing. No tumor, no trama, no nothing.

And so it went. More and more headaches came and by the time I was ten, It was on a cycle. Every three months the monster would creep on me and I thought I would die for a die. Sometimes I wish I did die for a day to escape the excruciating pain that vibrated between my ears.

"Breath deep breathes," I remembered my mother saying. "Just breath." She would rub my back and have me close my eyes. "Don't cry. Think of something good. Think of something happy, Sylvia."

I would recess my mind to a happy place. Think of a story, take comfort that no other place on my body hurt except my head. MY ENTIRE HEAD HURT.

And I would think after every doctor's appointment that something was really wrong with me and no one else in the world because they (the doctors) couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.

My mother left my dad and I remember a week after her leaving, I was scheduled to go to a headache specialist. Daddy was mad that I had to be taken out of school and he had to miss a day of work.

The headaches were so bad that sometimes it hurt to even be horizontal and vertical.

We had to drive a long way and the whole way he fussed and cussed. My sister and brother came with us. I think Daddy was a little scared because he never wanted any of us to miss school, but he was unsure that what to do.

We got there and they informed my father that he had to come back because there were beads in my head a week later. My father looked hard at me in deep seated anger but he was determined not to come back.

We went out to the car, he pulled out his tool kit and started popping the beads out of my head.

The agony of the pressure to my skull was even more excruciating.

My sister and brother were looking at me as if I were dying.

I thought I was.

A hundred beads. He cracked a hundred beads out of my head and then dragged me back in the doctor's office. The staff looked amazed. They thought my father had taken down my hair in thirty minutes and put it back right.

Even though I was in pain, I thought it was a little funny.

Unfortunately, this expensive machine that was supposed to find a needle in the haystack found nothing at all wrong with me. I threw up after the scan. The headache was still there and they gave me nothing for the pain.

My father looked a little worried as he saw the nurses cleaning up my mess and I collapsed to the floor cryng miserably.

The specialist said I was experiencing migraines. They couldn't find out the reason and back then there was no special medicine for it. I don't think if there was my father would have gotten it for me.

We went home and he didnt' bother me for the rest of the day. I didn't want to be bothered.

Three years later after years of a lot of pain, I woke up and this one was different. Not only did my head hurt, but my body ached and was hot.

I told my dad of the pain, but he assumed it was a regular one and told me to go to school.

My equilibruim was off and I wasn't naseous. I felt parched all day and even my friends noted I was hot to touch.

When I got home, my dad's girlfriend who was a nurse assistant saw I didn't look too good. She checked my temperature. It was 102.

She called my father home immediately and he was jumping mad.

"Why didn't you tell me your head hurt?"

I couldn't look at him stupidly which is what I wanted to do.

They took me to the doctor when my temperature didn't go down. Matter of fact, by the time they checked me in the hospital, I had gone up to 103 and was shaking. I was hot and cold.

But even though it felt bad all over, ( I know this sounds weird) I was glad it wasn't a migraine. Those were worse.

The doctor said I had scarlett fever.

The whole time I had scarlett fever the Monster Headaches didn't come. My woman's flow came on a week later I was cleared of the scarlette fever.

A month later, The Monster hit me like a mack truck and since then every month. After my second child, they increased. Coming every month.

Now in this day and age, they have migraine specialists and they put me on the diets and take away things I love. This alleviates the pressure, but it doesn't take away the pain.

They try to give me medicine, but other conditions and allergies doesn't allow me to take everything.

Since seven I have suffered through the pain and now as I turn fourty I worry about brain trama and more, but I still breathe through them just like my mother has told me to.

Today I have one. A really bad one and I sit here wishing I could lay down.

(the dark thing doesn't work any more.)

Sometimes outside weather helps. The colder the better.

But I live.

I think that's the point of this whole post is that I live another day and I know this too shall pass. It's just like heartache and labor and other things we suffer through.

We live.

We breath

We love

....another day.

thank you, God.

10 Ways Couples can stay healthy together

With the New Year coming and we're always making resolutions, I thought to post a few ideas on how couples can work together on staying healthy together. Yes, I'm an intimacy expert, but we can weave intimacy in not just sex, but in all parts of our lives to strengthen our relationship that we have.

In this day and age, we're always busy and time is an important factor in our relationship, but staying healthy is also important to us, or it should be. I figure you can kill two birds in one stone and make healthy moments apart of your daily or weekly ritual.

With that, I was reading on WebMD about ways a single person can stay healthy and I thought these were great ideas for creating more intimacy between couples.


Exercise together - everyone knows this is a great way to stay healthy anyway. Doing it together even for just ten minutes a day is not only a way to stay healthy, get toned but to also spend time together.

Use mouthwash - This seems simple, but mouthwash kills germs. And with all the kissing that you're doing (or should be doing) you should have the same mouth regime. I know a lot of people (adults) who still think just brushing their teeth is enough. And don't forget about flossing as well.

Eat an apple a day - According to Jennifer Soong on WebMD, "A natural antioxidant called quercetin, found in red apples as well as broccoli and green tea, may give an immunity boost to individuals under stress." Suggestion: Do it together as an after sex snack. If you don't like apples, mix them in cornbread or a salad or tuna. The fresher the better.

Stop Worrying - The real silent killer in your health and your relationship is stress. A lot of times we just need to stop doing it. And as a side note, don't do things to make your partner stress.

Up Your Vitamin intake - Take them together as a couple's ritual before leaving the house. Make it a kiss and pill to make sure you're expressing how much you're going to miss that person during the day and how much you care that they are happy.

Stay Positive and be Happy - Find ways to make the other happy at least ten minutes a day. Encourage and not boggle down the mind with things that don't change the price of tea in China.

Meditate - We discussed Tantric Sex in the previous post, but meditating as couples is a great way to usher a connection on a higher spiritual side. Some couples refer to this a praying together and we all know the saying a couple that prays together (say it with me) stays together.

Go out more - Staying Indoors is bad! Not only does it cause boredom in the relationship, but it also keeps you away from the germs and bacteria you need to help your body build up immunity.

Wash Your hands Repeatedly - To encourage more handwashing around the house, even for the adults I like to buy the children soap that smells fruity or produce a different color when used a lot other than white. Couples can take this to the extreme side and take more baths together.

Get Lots of sleep - I like sex as much as the next person, but after a long exhausting day sleep is the best thing I need and desperately want. This is a chance to practice spooning. This is when you lay behind your partner, lay your arm over their waist and curve your body into theirs like a spoon. To make things comfortable, the person in the back should lay slightly higher than the person in the front otherwise the arm that you're laying on will get cramped and you can stretch it out over their heads when you feel like it.

Now there are more singular suggestions on keeping healthy, but do you know of any more healthy suggestions couples can do together?